The News According to Hughes

Motivational Monday: We All Need To Be Dreamers

2009-01-19T07:22:00.001-08:00

Today is a Federal holiday marking the birthday (he was actually born on January 15 to be precise) of the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr.

He was, of course, a pioneer for the civil rights movement. He would ultimately become at age 35 the youngest man to receive the Nobel Peace Prize. It is difficult to imagine history without his trailblazing footsteps firmly marked upon it.

Dr. King’s “I Have A Dream” speech is his most quoted and well known.

He was, indeed, a dreamer. We all need to be dreamers.

But how many of us actually have dreams for ourselves (or even all of mankind) that are anywhere NEAR as specific and focused upon as Dr. King’s were?

We SAY we know what we want, most of us. But do we REALLY know? Can we REALLY? Describe them in a tenth of the detail and vision of what was contained in the “Dream” speech?

The sad answer is NO. We have many wants and desires, but they are often chaotically jumbled in our minds and sometimes in contradiction to each other.

We need today to honor the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. We also need to honor his capacity to dream as big as he did. And we owe it to ourselves to start honoring our own dreams as well.

Make it your goal TODAY to shape and mold and nurture your dreams, no matter how big they are. They are waiting to explode into creation. And if you are going to dream, should it be for anything less than something BIG?? Always dream big. Aim high. Try to overshoot your comfort zone.

Your dreams are your creations.

And as their creator, shouldn’t you get cracking?

This Tale Isn't Just For Mice

2009-01-14T09:13:00.000-08:00

I took one of our sons and baby daughter to see the “The Tale of Despereaux” the other day, the film adaptation of the Newbery Medal-winning book by Kate DiCamillo.

The film was not only cute and fun and entertaining, it offered something that many films today fail to—a positive and encouraging message.

Despereaux is a mouse unlike other mice—he is born without the instinct to cower in fear of everything around him. His family, friends, and fellow mouse citizens are frustrated and discouraged by the fact that he just won’t be afraid like all the other mice.

“Oh, he’ll learn to be afraid. Just give him time,” his family is told.

But not this mouse. He becomes the Don Quixote of rodents. After reading a book about knights and castles and dragons, he is determined to set out into the world with no regrets and no fears.

His chivalry and bravery lead him to ultimately rescue a princess, restore hope to an entire kingdom, and teach us all a thing or two about compassion, courage, and forgiveness.

“The Tale of Despereaux” calls each of us, young and old alike, to reach for the pinnacle of our potential. The seemingly simple story of a mouse becomes a broader vehicle to teach us all that who we are today is just a tiny shadow of what we are ultimately destined to become. You ARE someone special. You DO have something to contribute. And you CAN be more than who you are.

Don’t be fooled. This isn’t just a movie for the kiddies. Use it as an excuse to see it, if you must. But don’t be afraid to open up discussions with them about the positive and beautiful and encouraging message behind the beautiful artwork and elegant story.

Go see this. It’s a wonderful movie that makes you want to run out and read the book if you haven’t already.

It provides a motivational message that is grossly lacking not just in movies, but in our society at large.

Don't Let The Media Rain On Your Parade!

2009-01-06T09:20:00.001-08:00

Finally. I can take a deep breath. I have been vindicated.

I have been telling you for MONTHS now that the mainstream media has made the economic situation far worse with it apocalyptic storytelling of doom and gloom.

And now there is a poll out finding that the overwhelming majority of Americans agree with me.

77% of Americans said they felt that the U.S. media has made the financial downturn worse by projecting fear into the hearts and minds of the American people.

The poll found that most felt the media carried some responsibility for the lack of confidence in the economy.

Remember what I have always told you—and it is a fundamental law of the universe—what you THINK about you BRING about.

Everyone knows a friend or relative or co-worker who always talks of illness and is seemingly always—surprise, surprise—SICK.

We all know people who speak only of failure and then turn around and fail…AGAIN.

My favorite analogy is that of the sports coach getting his team pumped up. The coach doesn’t pump them up for defeat. They don’t instill thoughts of failure. “Let’s get out there and LOSE this one, team!! GO, go, go!! SURRENDER at any cost!!”

Neither does the military commander send his troops into battle with thoughts of anything less than VICTORY.

Of course not. That would be silly and quite counterproductive in both examples.

Most of us, unfortunately, get our vibrational pulse from the media. The media can change our entire MOOD, whether it’s reporting on the weather or sharing predictions on an election.

The best we can do is fight this negative drumbeat. It does NOT have to become OUR reality. Sure, the economy isn’t what it has been or could be. But is it really helpful to start off yet another year with more predictions of heartache, bankruptcy, and doom?

So don’t let the news bring you the blues.

It’s way too much power to give the media anyway.

'Tis The Season

2008-12-18T09:58:00.001-08:00

'Tis the season to be jolly??

Yeah, right!

I have a couple of stories to share with you about the right and the wrong way to act during this or any season.

I was heading home from work this week and got on the freeway as I always do. The merge lane is rather short, like me. It doesn’t give you a lot of time to get yourself into the flow of traffic before you are forced to exit again.

So I put on my turn indicator, looked over my shoulder, checked my mirrors, and proceeded to merge into the flow.

And out of nowhere, some idiot in a pickup truck comes BARRELING up the lane, flooring the gas peddle, and SCREAMS up to me and forces me back into the other lane. I nearly missed the merge because of this disgraceful human being.

I was boiling with rage. And then I let it go. I had to or I would have had a stroke right there on the freeway.

I accepted the reality that some people are really just awful and some get pleasure in doing stuff like that. Somehow it elevates them. Makes them bigger than the rest of us. Probably the kind of guy who would shove a grandma out of the supermarket line just so he could get to his football game on time.

My second story is a more pleasant one and reassures me that there are still good, kind people out there, too.

I was at Costco this week as well and another customer and I made our way to the milk fridge at the exact same time.

Neither of us noticed that there was seemingly only ONE box of fat free milk left. I technically got there a few paces ahead of him, so by the popular definitions of life, I was “entitled” to take the milk first.

But I didn’t. I offered it to the other man.

He was astonished by my thoughtful act.

“No, really! Please. I want you to take it. It’s not that important to me,” I said.

“Thanks SO much,” he said. “Milk was the main reason I came by the store today. Thank you.”

It felt nice to do this. It filled my heart with light and warmth. I remembered the jerk from earlier in the week who had nearly driven me into a ditch and wondered how anyone could feel good as their heart filled with darkness and nastiness.

The punch line is that just a little ways back in the giant fridge was a new, uncovered pallet of more fat free milk.

So we both ended up getting our milk and we both were able to walk away with an example of the humanity we can extend our fellow citizens.

These stories also are perfect illustrations of the choice we make every day to radiate positive or negative vibrations. That speed demon on the freeway was no doubt spreading his miserable experiences that day with the world. It wanted to make everyone’s day as awful as his own.

Me? I preferred my simple, magical moment in the dairy aisle. It’s moments like these that truly remind us of the joy and good cheer we should be spreading.

This, and every season.

Half Full or Half Empty? Depends on Your Point of View!

2008-12-08T11:38:00.000-08:00

Researchers are once again confirming what many of us have known for a very long time. And that is, the way you react to something determines the outcome of any given event or action. And the way you react to something stems from the type of personality that you have.

This is common sense.

It explains why some people react to traffic snarls with clenched teeth and white knuckles and profanity laced tirades and others sit back and learn something new from a book on tape or catch up by calling back clients during the delay.

It also explains why some people are crashing and burning on all the doom and gloom out there, especially with regards to the economy.

Some people are clearly panicking and others are keeping their heads on tightly. Why?

Because there are those who realize they are in control of their lives and those who have yet to realize this. There are people who thrive under pressure and see opportunities everywhere and those who see everything through a lens of dread and lack of opportunities.

The beauty of all of this? I have come to learn beyond ANY doubt that YOU and I are completely capable of changing this. Even though it was not the conclusion of this particular study, we all have the power to change the way we see things.

We CAN choose to see the glass as half full instead of half empty. But the key word here is CHOOSE. It’s up to us.

Is it easy? Nope. I got unfortunately grouchy this morning when three calls were coming in at the same time and then the doorbell rang and then the dog barked and the baby screamed and the checkbook was nowhere to be found. But within minutes, we can change our focus…take a deep breath…and continue on.

Life can be a constant bike ride UP hill or a nice, coasting experience downhill. Most of the time we peddle up hill unnecessarily.

Keep this in mind as you tackle this Monday!

Motivational Monday: The Next 100 Feet Ahead

2008-12-01T09:14:00.000-08:00

There was a beautiful fog this morning that reminded me of San Francisco days. It blanketed the neighborhood with a magical mist that clung almost to the sidewalk.

As I was driving the kids to school, the trees lining the streets appeared only a couple at a time.

This reminded me of how life and all its adversities and blessings unfolds before each and every one of us.

How many of us don't spend countless hours and days of our lives worrying about what lies ahead? We often can't see results or goals because they are just around the bend.

Life really is like those tree lined streets shrouded in fog this morning.

We have to have faith that the next pair of trees and the rest of the road are actually there in front of us, even if we can't see them.

Life unfolds this way. Just remember that this is OK.

You don't need to see miles ahead necessarily. All you need to know is that the road usually won't disappear a couple of miles ahead. There won't be an ominous black hole.

The road will take you where you eventually are intended to be. Trust in that truth.

The fog is beginning to lift even as we speak. Go make the most of this precious day!

WoW: Too Much Online Adventuring Can Lead To Collapse!

2008-11-18T06:05:00.000-08:00

I picked up my son’s reserved copy of Blizzard Entertainment’s second expansion for its online juggernaut, WORLD OF WARCRAFT (www.worldofwarcraft.com), when it launched last Thursday. THE WRATH OF THE LICH KING has been anticipated for a very long time by fans.

For those of you unfamiliar with WoW (as it is affectionately called by players), it is an online virtual world of warriors and warlocks, humans and orcs and night elves, swords and sorcery—all inspired by the Granddaddy of them all, the original EVERQUEST.

More than 10 million people worldwide play WoW, a subscription based game where players log on to quest, level their characters up, and hang out with friends to fish, fight, or freely roam the massive countryside of valleys, deserts, swamps, and tundra.

I remember buying the original WORLD OF WARCRAFT the day it launched back in November of 2004.

People are STILL playing it…subscriptions keep increasing by the millions…because it is a game that never ends. Content is literally added on a weekly basis, if not more frequently. New quests and locations are added constantly. The game day operates on a true 24 hour clock. So if you play at night, it's night in the game, etc. Talk about an immersive environment.

That’s what leads many to be addicted to it.

I know when I first started, I could barely put it down. It offered me a nightly escape from a collapsing marriage and stressful days.

My son started playing in last year and soon got sucked in as well.

Thank God for parental controls. A password protected setting allows parents to block in AND out times when younger players can play. We use this with our son. And I would have to guess many people try to use it with their spouses as well.

And you thought people only lost their partners to football on TV?? Think again. Games like WoW and Everquest have claimed many relationships, jobs, and other real world events.

But like anything else, people HAVE TO KNOW THEIR LIMITS.

I was inspired to write this because not only am I a fan of the game (I am currently a level 70 warrior—the highest you could get until this latest expansion raised the cap to 80), I am concerned that people taint a good thing through their own irresponsibility.

Case in point—a story I saw on the news this week about a 15-year-old in Sweden who COLLAPSED from playing it. He had some friends over and they played, pretty much nonstop, for 24 hours!!

Don’t you think doing ANYTHING for that long would lead you to collapse??

Try reading a book for that long or studying your algebra or brushing your teeth. The human body and mind were not meant to be pushed like this!!

But it makes it easy for people who already hate games like this to blame the industry for poisoning our children (and adults).

The boy’s father was somehow oblivious to the fact that his son and half a dozen friends were in HIS house, playing a game for 24 hours straight.

The father is to be blamed in this case.

He claims he will limit the time his son can play WoW.

GREAT idea, Dad! Too bad you waited for your son to collapse and jeopardize his health before taking a stand!

Our son plays when homework and chores are completed and for mapped out, supervised periods of time. Isn’t that just common sense??

As for me, I am no longer addicted.

But I AM anxiously awaiting my Collector’s Edition which comes in a beautiful box filled with a hardcover book on the art, a DVD on the making of the game, the soundtrack, maps and a special in-game pet that only owners of the very limited edition get.

Hey, I am just completing my set! Leave me alone! Don’t you have something better to do than snicker at me?!?! Go level your Rogue or slay a Murloc, for goodness sakes.

I would go play the game for a few but the servers are down every Tuesday for several hours. Wonder how that kid in Sweden will possibly get by and cope.

Motivational Monday: You CAN Lose Weight!

2008-11-10T06:20:00.001-08:00

As many of you know, I had already made the commitment to lose significant weight. Specifically, 50 pounds. Realizing I was fast approaching 40, the time to seize control of my weight couldn't WAIT any longer.

I was halfway there, having lost nearly 25 pounds and was so proud of myself. I kept you updated on the web and on the air regarding my progress.

Then life reared its ugly head. Personal crises, including the sudden death of my beloved mother in July put this goal on the back burner. I tend to be a stress eater, and I packed every pound I lost back on, and then some.

I found myself heavy and sluggish again. Right back where I had been for too long.

My wife and I made the decision about a month ago to give to give a well-known, celebrity endorsed program a try. My mother-in-law lost nearly 80 pounds on the plan (NOT a diet, more of a LIFESTYLE) and the food was yummy from what we had sampled.

So off we went. We signed up, we got weighed, we got the encouragement that we needed.

And almost a month later, the pounds are falling off. I am fitting into pants I haven’t even been able to look at in months.

People are starting to notice that the bounce in my step is more pronounced and that my neck isn’t as thick. How nice. Thank you!

The beauty of this plan is in its elegant simplicity (not to mention their TO DIE FOR lemon cake…haha)—we all tend to consume far too many calories each day. I know that in my case, without specifically counting my calories any given day, I must have been packing at least 3,000 calories plus each day.

That is WAY more than anyone needs. I am now on a 1,500 calorie plan.

The first week was hard, but not as hard as I had thought it would be. And now entering the fourth week, it is all getting to be second nature to us.

I have been amazed to learn what a SINGLE SERVING actually looks like in front of you. It’s a LOT smaller than what we eat at home and, especially, in restaurants. Knowing now what a SINGLE serving of lasagna looks like (yes, I can still eat pasta), I realize that all these years I have been more likely been eating 3 or 4 servings at a pop! Same with pizza, hamburgers, sandwiches, and that side of mashed potatoes…you name it. Chances are I have overindulged my entire life.

Another plus is I can eat all the vegetables and salads I want each day. If I get hungry now, instead of going to the pantry for junkie comfort foods, I will grill myself some veggies or quickly toss myself a simple salad.

Why am I telling you all of this? To motivate you. It IS, after all, my Motivational Monday blog! ANYONE can do this…if they BELIEVE they can and APPLY themselves to it. And if you STICK with it and don’t stray (some straying is allowed, within REASON), you WILL see results.

And you will FEEL the results, too. Sometimes before you notice them in the mirror. You will feel an added boost of energy. You will start feeling better from the inside out.

In less than a month, I have even stopped craving burgers and milkshakes. And you will, too. I can actually pull into a fast food joint and order a simple salad with healthy dressing without feeling self conscious.

Whether it’s plans such as the one we are on or just changing even little things in your daily eating habits, you CAN change your LIFE.

The YOU staring at you in the mirror is the YOU that is the product of all your past ways of thinking about food, life, philosophy, etc. That means that the YOU that smiles at you in the mirror next week, next month, and 10 years from now is the YOU you are creating TODAY.

You are a MASTERPIECE of creation. Start treating yourself as the magnificent sculpture that you are. And remember always that you hold the all the tools you need in your hands right now. They have always been there for you.

Make your life what you WANT it to be, not what you think it HAS to be. OWN your life. Start NOW!

What Is The Los Angeles Times Hiding?

2008-10-29T09:00:00.001-07:00

America will be electing a President in less than a week.

Polls are tightening by the day. McCain is feeling a second wind. Obama wants us to take a day off to help him in the 11th hour.

And the Los Angeles Times is sitting on a potentially damaging videotape of Obama and refusing to release it.
Why? Because they want to protect their source. Or so says the Times.

But why didn’t the Times have a problem reporting on an embarrassing audiotape of Governor Schwarzenegger in 2006? They ran THAT on the front page!

There is no doubt in my mind that the Times wants Obama elected next week. They recently endorsed him as their candidate (what a SHOCK!). And they don’t want to see the tightening race tip in McCain’s favor.

The tape in question includes Obama praising Rashid Khalidi, an activist with ties to the Palestinian Liberation Organization. Who else was at the 2003 farewell dinner? William Ayers.

We know that Obama has had dubious relationships with questionable figures. What has always been in question is the extent of these relationships.

This videotape could reveal what the American people deserve—the TRUTH.

The Free Press has ceased to exist when a major newspaper refuses to release a tape that could shed light on critical aspects of a candidate’s character. And all within a week of the election. How convenient.

Your grandfather’s generation would be DEMANDING that the Times release this tape before the election. Your grandfather’s generation would be MAD AS HELL that this was being kept from them for arguably partisan reasons.

Is the Los Angeles Times in the business of truthful reporting? Or electing their candidates in elections?

The fact that we even have to ask that question says all we need to know.

Motivational Monday: A Lesson In Going The Extra Mile

2008-10-20T08:55:00.000-07:00

Motivational Monday: A Lesson In Going The Extra Mile

By Spencer Hughes

One of the surest ways to speed up and guarantee success in whatever tasks and dreams you follow is to go the extra mile.

Read that again...take your time...

GO THE EXTRA MILE.

How many people you know do that? How many people won't even fathom the thought of giving one more dime or second or inch than is absolutely necessary?

Too many of us fall into the rut of stopping where we are supposed to, instead of venturing a little--or gasp, a LOT--further than we are expected to.

But going the extra mile is exactly what true and lasting success requires of us. It's those extra dollars and minutes and inches that will make the difference between meeting our goals and giving up just shy of them.

Here are two examples of going the extra mile that I have encountered just in the last week.

I have been having cell phone problems beyond anything you can imagine. Missed calls. Phantom calls. No texts. Late texts. Texts bottle necking and coming at me all at once--up to several days worth all in one shot. Missing important calls, both business and personal.

Hours of my life have been wasted in the past month, lost to one technical support phone call after another. And one after the other, technicians were unable or unwilling to solve the problem.

Weren't they all trained to help people like me? Wasn't that their job? And yet one after the other seemed rushed and put out that I needed their assistance.

Until last week. A spoke with a technician that stood apart from the rest. She sounded interested in my problem, empathized with my frustration, and was determined to resolve the problem. And you know what?

She did. She accomplished in one phone call what an army of other technicians couldn't.

It took a lot of time, but not nearly the amount of time I have squandered fruitlessly over the past month, talking to a dozen or so of her co-workers.

She told me she would stay on the line as long as needed. And that if we ran out of time, that she would call me later in the day when it was convenient for me to continue and conclude the call.

What service! What if everyone did this? Imagine if everyone took a few extra minutes to get a job done right?

One more example for you.

I was at a home improvement store over the weekend and needed assistance before making my purchases.

One employee stood out to me. He was one of the more senior in age employees I encountered. But you wouldn’t know that from the bounce in his step and the boundless enthusiasm he demonstrated with me.

He did what employees half his age weren’t doing—actually WALKING me to a product. This is something I admire, since when I worked in retail years ago, I felt I was the only one who did this with customers. All my co-workers took the lazy approach which sounded like this: “Big screen TVs? Oh…they’re way in the back…um…aisle 12. I think. If not, they are on 13 or 14.”

Nice. I can’t tell you how many times I would cringe at my co-workers pointing an outstretched arm vaguely in some miscellaneous corner of the store, not caring if the customer was sent astray or not.

This gentleman went the extra mile…literally and figuratively, as he walked me literally from one end of the warehouse to the other…several times.

No complaints. No huffing and puffing. He did it all with a gentle smile and polite demeanor.

Why couldn’t the young kids on the staff have done that? Laziness. Pure, unadulterated laziness.

He went the extra mile. The woman at the phone company did as well.

The warehouse employee said something I thought was very telling after I apologized to him for walking him all over the place.

He said, “That’s ok. I want to. Plus I will learn where other items are as well that aren’t in my department. Chances are someone else will ask me similar questions and I want to make sure I can answer them.”

Imagine that! Not only was he an expert in HIS department, he was willing to extend beyond his comfort zone and what was expected of him and learn about OTHER departments as well.

Now THAT’S going the extra mile.

Try doing the same today. In everything you do. Give a little more than is asked of you, a little more than you think you have in you.

You will gain the respect of others. And ultimately, you will gain more respect for yourself, too.

And success will be closer than you ever imagined.

Bowing My Head for Mother's Cookies

2008-10-10T05:49:00.000-07:00

Some things you just ASSUME will be around forever. Like death, taxes, and McDonald’s.

Right?

As chaotically as life changes around us, SOME things HAVE to stay the same.

I just read an article about the abrupt closure of Mother’s Cookies.

Never heard of them?

I am sure you have, even if you think you haven’t.

Circus Animal cookies. Taffy Sandwich cookies (don’t worry, it was vanilla icing, not taffy). And my father-in-law’s favorites—the Oatmeal cookies.

I cringe at having to tell him the bad news today. That he will have to make a run of what’s left on store shelves to help stave off the ultimate demise of his favorite snack cookies.

Mother’s Cookies began as a one-man shop in 1914 and went on to become an Oakland, California tradition for 94 years.

I remember eating these as a child and as recently as a couple of weeks ago. They are delicious cookies and the nostalgia that they were wrapped in was worth the price itself.

I even have memories of my father taking me out to Candlestick Park on Mother’s Cookies Day each season to watch the Giants play while I chomped on my sweet delights.

Hopefully someone will buy the company, and if they do, hopefully they will keep the taste and quality and memory alive for my almost 1-year-old daughter to enjoy someday.

At least a bag of Wonder Bread still smells the same as it did when I was growing up in the 1970s. But back then they used to put baseball cards in the bag. I still remember how those cards would smell so heavenly and that smell still makes me happy.

Thank God our collective memories can’t go out of business. At least not as long as we nurture them and keep them alive.

Economic Woes Are No Excuse for Mayhem

2008-10-07T06:03:00.000-07:00

Not again.

Another story in the news about how our tough economic times have been met with desperate actions.

An unemployed father in Los Angeles, despondent over his family’s financial hardships, decided that it was better to kill his entire family and then himself than to face the adversities we all face at some point in our lives.

He shot and killed his 3 sons, ranging in age from 7 to 19, his wife, and his mother-in-law. Then he turned the gun on himself.

What a terrible, terrible waste of life.

It may sound crazy to reference a line from a children’s movie, but I LOVE the line in the Willie Wonka remake, “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” in which one of the old timers tells young Charlie not to worry about money. Why worry over something that there is so much of out there? You can always get more, he said.

True. There is no shortage of money. Nor, contrary to popular belief, is there a shortage of opportunity.

Money and opportunity are abundant and have no end to them.

What there IS a shortage is faith and the nose we USED to have for opportunity.

Our parents and grandparents found opportunity in the dirtiest and most inconvenient of places. And they knew to take it when it was before them. That’s what motivated your grandfather to take a paper route at 4 in the morning when he was 8-years-old.

Granted some of us still know how to find it as well, but it seems that true opportunity seekers are becoming a dying breed. Or at least a threatened species.

This unemployed businessman could have seen that with every adversity there is an equal or greater opportunity.

But he failed to, and now he and his entire, immediate family are dead. GONE. They have ceased to exist in this world because one man failed to see the hope and opportunity right before his eyes, every day, everywhere he went.

A friend and colleague of mine took his life many years ago because of business failings.
My Godmother’s husband took his life over a failed business as well.

We all struggle at some point. Some of us outright suffer. But if you realize there IS a forest for the trees, you will always keep yourself grounded in the bigger picture.

And the bigger picture is that the sun WILL rise tomorrow, as it always has.

Wouldn’t it be a shame to not be there to see it?

What Is WRONG With People?

2008-10-02T06:02:00.000-07:00

Just when I think I can’t be surprised and shocked by the ugly underbelly of human behavior, I am.

I just finished watching a video of an altercation at a McDonald’s in Los Angeles. Was it a political fight? Self defense?

Nope.

It was over who was in line first to get their food. Girl vs. man.

When the teenage girl decided to start swearing at him, the man decided the only way to react was to strike her repeatedly in the face.

Certainly the teenager should have shown respect and restraint. But certainly a grown man (who was there with two young children) knows better than to deal with a situation like THIS.

What is WRONG with people? What makes people treat each other like this? And all over who gets to shove JUNK FOOD into their mouths before the other! Now THAT’S life or death!

Here we have a teenager who was never taught to respect their elders, and an adult who was never taught that it’s not ok to hit someone (certainly not a young girl!).

While police try to find this man, why don’t the rest of us try to find civility.

Believe it or not, we could use civility even more than that Quarter Pounder combo.

Of Mice And Men

2008-09-22T07:20:00.001-07:00

How did Mickey Mouse become so cute and cuddly? Don’t get me wrong, I love the guy. But come on! Some of our most well known childhood icons and characters were mice. Mickey. Minnie. Mighty. Jerry. The list goes on.

And they are all based on God forsaken creatures appropriately called VERMIN.

Our garage recently became the local hotel and spa for neighboring field mice. I’d go into the garage to get something from the freezer or to take something off the shelves and there would be a mice, more times than not, scurring across the floor.

YIKES! I would literally YELP.

I HATE mice. Oh, I don’t mind them in a tank or cage spinning on a wheel and looking adorable.

I guess it’s like snakes. I don’t mind having one as a pet, I just don’t want to run into one crossing my path…LOOSE.

So anyway, we spent the weekend eradicating as many of the buggers as we could.

Saturday morning there were so many of them that we literally saw tails and faces poking out of boxes and shelves TAUNTING us. We couldn’t go 5 minutes without seeing a mouse.

A friend of mine found a NEST in my box of old laserdiscs. And here’s the funny part to balance out the GROSS part, they had a hot wheel car and a (TRUE, I swear) installation disk for MOUSE Works for the Mac.

Now THAT’S pretty funny. We even found a miniature deck of cards nearby from my wife’s scrapbooking supplies. Poker, anyone?

By Sunday, there was little evidence of any new activity.

Except for the litter of mice. Yep. The minute I told my wife we found baby mice it was all over.

But the vet honestly told us that the most humane thing to do would be to feed them to our pet python.

Half hour later, 3 of the 5 were snake food.

The kids looked at us with those eyes that children give their parents when they want to raise mice as pets.

OUCH.

It WAS kind of cute. They even named them.

Sadly, Angelina Jumperina died a day later. My daughter gave her a dignified coffin (a jewelry gift box did the job) and everyone couldn’t help but feel a little sad.

But I started thinking. Isn’t what we did kind of like giving college tuition to the children of illegal aliens?

Think about it. The mice took over our garage. We bring their babies in and raise them.

Nah. It’s not the same thing.

It’s cute. I GUESS.

Yes, even I have a soft spot. Even though on principal, I am still not HANDLING the little critter.

I’m not THAT soft.

And now if you’ll excuse me…I have to go on my hourly Mouse Patrol to make sure Junior’s family doesn’t come by for a family reunion.

9/11 Remembered

2008-09-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

Seven years ago this week, my son came into this world. And seven years ago today, America was attacked by dastardly forces on our home front.

I will never forget two dates this week. On the 9th of September, 2001, my son was born. It was one of the happiest days of my life. So sweet…so innocent…a miracle of God.

Two mornings after he entered this life, I was woken up by my then wife as I slept next to her and the baby in the hospital suite.

A plane had hit the World Trade Center in New York City. What the HECK?? How does a plane hit the World Trade Center? Drunken pilot? Heart attack afflicted pilot? What could result in such a tragic accident?

I was still rubbing the sand out of my eyes when we witnessed the second plane hit the second tower. It wasn’t a small plane, as I had imagined. Three things crossed my mind in rapid succession. First, how could TWO planes ACCIDENTALLY hit such monstrously tall towers? And then, this COULDN’T be an accident. Followed by, that was a HUGE commercial plane, not the small private plane that I had imagined the first plane being.

And then…it all hit me…WE WERE UNDER ATTACK.

I said it in those exact words.

I remember looking down at our sleeping son and feeling a sickness in the pit of my stomach.

Most people remember where they were when they got the phone call or watched or heard the news updates.

In my case, I was the one who did the informing. I called up the first people that came to mind…my producer…my close friends…my parents.

I remember telling them “We are under attack” and hearing the gasps of disbelief on the other end of the phone.

I remember how none of it seemed real. Like I was playing the part in some strange movie that could only be screened from the darkest recesses of my brain.

It took days to sink in. I wept. And then I wept again.

It’s hard to imagine that seven years have passed by already. On the one hand it seems like it happened much sooner than that. And on the other, it seems so long ago.

Yesterday my son who was so tiny in his hospital blanket took off down the street in his brand new bicycle that we bought him for his seventh birthday.

He still doesn’t fully understand what happened that day. Nor do I want him to, actually. His older siblings have a better idea and his younger siblings are completely in the dark.

The time will come when they WILL be fully informed. And they will be taught by us and constantly reminded of the fact that 9/11/2001 was one of the most pivotal and dark days in their nation’s history.

And they will be taught, above all else, to never, ever forget it.

Please don’t forget that horrific and historical date. Think about it, long and hard, today. Talk about it with whoever you are able to. See it. Feel it.

Pray hard.

And weep if the tears come. Weep. And feel that inner resolve and toughness that lies within all Americans.

Good WILL win over evil.
That is the ultimate reassurance if there ever was one.

Let Russell Brand Carry The Torch for Obama!

2008-09-09T06:56:00.000-07:00

Russell Brand was the sad creature who hosted this year’s MTV Video Music Awards. You know the one with the crazy hair and outfit, parading around the stage calling President Bush a retarded cowboy and praising Barack Obama as the savior of humanity.

My anger over his immature tirade aimed at the impressionable young people of America has not subsided since I witnessed his insanity Sunday night.

But I am not going to try to shut him up, either.

In fact, as McCain continues to climb in the polls and Obama continues to scratch his head wondering why, the best the Right could hope for is for imbeciles like Brand to continue pushing for an Obama Presidency!

According to press stories and interviews in his home country, Brand is an alcoholic and former drug addict. He’s apparently been arrested ELEVEN TIMES for public indecency. His run ins with the police are many.

Is this the kind of spokesman Obama needs as he struggles in the polls?

Of course, most of the young idiots in the crowd applauded Brand’s endorsement of Obama, not knowing that with friends like Brand, no one needs enemies.

These are the young voters the Democrats are courting so desperately.

They can have them.

One final reflection…

There was a time when a foreigner parading an American stage and calling our President a “retard” would have been booed, if not dragged off the stage. Especially at a time of war. There would have been outrage in our parent’s and grandparent’s generations. Imagine that again…a foreign comedian with the audacity to insult OUR LEADER to OUR FACES on OUR SOIL. Now he gets roaring applause.

Boy how the times have changed.

Farewell Coney Island

2008-09-08T06:42:00.000-07:00

I never did make it to Coney Island. Shame on me.

Now it is too late for me to visit an American entertainment icon. The amusement park which entertained generations has closed its gates for the last time over the weekend.

Astroland theme park is no more.

This historic closing makes me nostalgically reflect on the theme parks of my youth which are largely a thing of memories as well.

My parents would take me to Frontier Village in San Jose, California. Now it’s a housing development. But it was once a place of wonders and childhood adventures. Although the park closed when I was 9, I spent a good chunk of those first years with my parents and grandparents at this Bay Area attraction. Luckily many have worked on keeping the memory alive with the website www.frontiervillage.net.

Another staple of my childhood was Santa’s Village in Scotts Valley, California. This was an even simpler concept than Frontier Village. Santa. Mrs. Claus. The elves. Some kiddie rides. A petting zoo. That’s all a kid needed back then to be entertained at a “theme” park. You can share the memories at this heartfelt and dedicated site:
www.santasvillage.net/santas.village.scotts.valley.html.

I even have fond memories of the theme park formerly known as Marine World Africa U.S.A.—now known as Six Flags Discovery Kingdom. The original site in Redwood City was tiny in comparison to its new home in Vallejo, California. The biggest attractions then were the elephant rides and the giant ball pit. Here is a nostalgic review from a fellow fan of that theme park’s glory days: www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/parenting/detail?blogid=29&entry_id=14180

How is it that kids were entertained without multi-million dollar roller coasters and $10 souvenir cups??

It wasn’t that long ago in the whole scheme of things. But life did seem simpler then. Even as America recovered from Watergate and Vietnam and Jimmy Carter, it was fun being a kid.

Theme parks had true character then.

I can empathize with those East Coasters who are mourning the loss of Astroland.

May it rest in the peace and quiet and beauty of our memories.

Repeat DWI Offenders Should Be DOA in the System

2008-09-04T06:32:00.000-07:00

Here is another tragic story of a repeat DWI offender. He should have been locked away long before his latest act left a newlywed couple dead after his car launched in the air and landed on top of their SUV.

The 22-year-old culprit, Uriel Perez Palacios, had already committed more crimes by his young age than most of us could in several lifetimes.

But the system kept giving him a break.

Palacios was arrested for drunk driving as recently as June but was released after paying a $500 fine.

He had four outstanding warrants and had led police on two chases.

Oh…and he was driving on a suspended license.

What was this man doing on the streets of Dallas early Monday?

Why did Erika Clouet, second grade teacher, have to die alongside her new husband, German Clouet? Neither one will ever reach their 25th birthdays. Neither one will ever know what a happy life they could have had together.

Their lives were ripped away from them, and their loves one ripped off by their untimely deaths.

The culprit is thankfully being charged with two counts of murder (it is believed to be the first time a local prosecutor has pursued murder charges in a DWI case) and three counts of intoxication assault.

Palacios SHOULD have been put away a long time ago.

Let’s hope the system doesn’t blow it again.

Lock him up. Throw away the key on this bum. And keep the streets safe for those trying to mind their business and live their lives.

It’s the least we can do for people like the Clouets. May they rest in peace and may we all keep them and their families in our prayers.

There's No Joy In Mudville

2008-08-29T09:26:00.000-07:00

I know what you are thinking. Two blogs in a row on SPORTS?? From SPENCER HUGHES?? The anti-sports guy?

First of all, I am not anti-sports. I am just not terribly crazy about America’s fixation on them, primarily at the professional level.

But I never said that valuable lessons aren’t learned every day in the world of sports.

Like this lesson: If you are too good at what you do, that might be a problem!

HUH??

How can being too good at what you do be a problem?

This is the inspiring yet sad story of Jericho Scott, a 9-year-old Youth Baseball League player in New Haven, Connecticut.

It turns out that the youthful pitcher is SO good at throwing the ball that the League told him he couldn’t play anymore.

You see, other players were too intimidated to face him. He has even had teams forfeit the game altogether.

Can you IMAGINE this?? It’s the latest chapter in the dumbing down of America. It reminds me of the late Kurt Vonnegut’s short story classic HARRISON BURGERON. The future presented in that brilliant work includes an America where beautiful people have to wear hideous masks so that ugly people won’t feel bad and the strong have to wear huge weights around their bodies so that the slow and out of shape don’t have their self esteem hurt.

Instead of training these children to SWING better against an exemplary player, they are getting rid of the exemplary player. Instead of raising everybody up, the League is bringing everyone down.

Imagine what will happen when this coddled generation of children becomes the leadership of this nation.

Actually at the start of a long holiday weekend, maybe we shouldn’t. Let’s eat our hot dogs, go to the beach one last time, and teach our kids it’s better to be mediocre than extraordinary.

English: The Universal Language of...Golf?

2008-08-27T06:19:00.000-07:00

The LPGA has done what many in America are too afraid to even whisper about—they have required that their member golfers learn and speak English. And if they don’t, they could have their memberships suspended.

Has the reaction been outrage and protests? Nope. The South Korean membership which the new rule is primarily aimed at is…gasp…in AGREEMENT with the rule.

Is the rule meant to be racist or xenophobic? Nope.

It’s meant to be a tool to help these golfers SUCCEED. And the players agree. Being able to communicate in English in the LPGA is a BENEFIT.

As it is in America and the world at large.

“When you win, you should give your speech in English,” said Korean golfer Se Ri Pak.

If English can become the universal language of golf, why not the official language of America and the running of its day to day business?

Maybe our politicians need to hit the golf courses more.

Good going, LPGA. Thanks for setting such a fine example of just how important unity through language truly is.

Houses, Houses, Everywhere!

2008-08-22T06:24:00.000-07:00

Obama is showing his desperation again as he continues to fight for his life in the polls. A man who should be, by all accounts of the popular wisdom (or lack thereof), an easy double digits ahead of his rival is instead faltering left and right.

And that brings us to the latest act of desperation on Obama's part--hammering McCain for supposedly not knowing how many houses he owns.

OH NO!

Wait...he actually owns more than ONE home?? Is that legal in America today? Don't you need a special permit or something?

I LOVE the fact that he couldn't answer. Wouldn't it be nice to own so much of something that you couldn't keep track of it??

That is the American Dream!

And of course, Obama is on the wrong side of things yet again.

Obama's ad regarding this, as well as the general liberal chatter, indicates a jealousy, envy, and sour grapes mentality that is actually quite typical of the far Left. They HATE that some people own things and other do not. Especially if the "Haves" have a LOT of the given commodity.

Now we are finding out that McCain supposedly doesn't even own any of these properties in question--that they belong to his wife, Cindy.

Either way, it seems petty to say the least.

Seems more disconcerting that Obama thinks there are 57 states and that a "bomb" fell on Pearl Harbor. Or that he doesn't know the difference between Memorial Day and Labor Day. Or that his experience and political accomplishments could literally fit on a fortune cookie slip.

But the lapdog media, in utter blind lust with Obama, sees more concern that a man who married into a family worth $100 million might lose track of how many properties they own.

How many shoes do you own? How many DVDs do you own? How many cushions are on your couch? Huh?? You sit on your couch every single day and you don't know the answer??

SHAME!

Motivational Monday: The Power of Visualization

2008-08-18T09:27:00.001-07:00

I am the first to admit that I am not a fan of the Olympics. I have nothing against them, mind you. It's just not something I have ever really followed. Even when I was younger and more into sports.

But that doesn't mean there isn't a lesson to be learned by the athletes who train hard and long to get where they are today. Athletes like American swimming sensation Michael Phelps who won 8 gold medals alone. What an amazing feet that is!

The lesson found here is the true power of visualization. Athletes will tell you, whether they are in the Olympics or not, that mental training goes hand in hand with the physical training. And they can both be equally difficult.

It isn't good enough to just train your body your whole life if your mind isn't coming along for the ride.

Ever see a baseball player having a night when they are clearly "on" and then the next day their performance is lackluster to say the least?

Chances are when the player was "on", he was in his zone--fully focused and mentally committed to the tasks at hand. He probably saw that ball going over the fence just seconds before actually sending it there.

And maybe the second day he was focusing on bills or his relationships or his kids or the weather or the election.

Everyone gets distracted. We all drift off course. We all slip in and out of our "zone" as I like to call it.

But it all comes back to visualization. Athletes in particular are very good at this. They see in their mind's eye hitting that ball...swimming those laps...catching the throw...swinging that club...thousands, if not millions, of times. Over and over and over and over again.

I remember the first time I took a failing timeslot and made it all the way to #1. I SAW my boss smiling at me and taking me to lunch. I SAW the balloons and the HEARD the applause in the studio.

And you know what? Talk about dejavu. It played out EXACTLY the way I had visualized it. I reached my goal in my imagination before I made it in the real world.

There are great stories along these lines in Jack Canfield's The Success Principles: How To Get From Where You Are To Where You Want To Be. He writes about American gold medalists who practiced their routines for YEARS and YEARS. And they eventually WON in the EXACT WAY they had daydreamed it in their imaginations.

But we can't forget why this is. THOUGHTS...ARE...THINGS. And most importantly, THOUGHTS...BECOME...THINGS.

That's why it's so important to choose wisely what we think about!

Try to remember that as you start another week. See your goal as already reached. Visualize it. Make it real in your mind and you stand a good chance of making it real in your world.

And even if you don't have an athletic bone in your body, you, too, can act like an Olympian!

Hurricane Hugo & The Radical Left

2008-08-07T09:03:00.000-07:00

The story I saw today about Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez tightening his reins of power filled me with rage.

I wonder if the American Left will share in my rage.

After all, Lefties from Congressman Dennis Kucinich to Actor Sean Penn have shared their open adoration of this socialist dictator.

Chavez's latest plans for power include 26 laws he just ushered in giving him--you guessed it--more control of the country and its people.

So why would the Left in America continue to support such a leader, while at the same time constantly castigating President Bush about everything under the sun?

Many on the Left feel that Bush is stripping Americans of rights and sending us down the slippery slope of complete government control of our lives. And yet that IS what Hugo Chavez is ACTUALLY DOING in Venezuela!

One of my biggest intellectual gripes with many on the Left has been their compassion and sometimes outright support for communist regimes that have literally sent thousands and millions to their graves. How on earth could Bush be considered a dictator when they these leaders ACTUALLY WERE??

In 2006, war protester and activist Cindy Sheehan actually said she would prefer to have Chavez leading America than Bush!

HUH??

Did she REALLY mean that?? COULD she really mean that??

Apparently so.

Few had the guts to question Chavez when he referred to our President as "the devil" himself, reeking of sulfur and all.

So as Chavez continues on his quest to get everything from endless terms as President to further state control of the FOOD of his nation, the Left will battle Bush over some things he has done, and many things they FEAR he will do. Chavez just gave himself the power to shut down businesses that don't adhere to state price controls--with the option to send them to PRISON FOR 10 YEARS if they don't follow the orders!

Ask the protesters of Venezuela who they would rather have leading THEIR country.

Cindy Sheehan and Danny Glover and Harry Belafonte would no doubt not like their answer.

Columnist James Lileks recently wrote on the death of Alexander Solzhenitsyn: "“Reading Solzhenitsyn makes it difficult to take seriously the people in this culture who insist that Dissent has been squelched. Brother, you have no idea.”

No, many on the Left HAVE NO IDEA. Or else they wouldn't describe Bush as the supreme dictator, while supporting true dictators like Castro and Chavez and others.

The real truth is Belafonte and Penn and Glover and Sheehan would have been sent to the Gulags long ago if they protested a real dictator the way they have protested Bush.

The real truth is that if they were Venezuelan citizens and spoke of Chavez in such cavalier and disrespectful ways their dissent would not even be an afterthought. It wouldn't be ALLOWED to happen.

Thank God even the Devil lets us speak our mind, huh?

Motivational Monday: Laura Day's The Circle

2008-08-04T08:51:00.000-07:00

My goal has been to read an average of a book a week this summer and so far I have been doing pretty well. As usual, the majority of my selections have been non-fiction and usually focus on motivational thinking and personal empowerment.

I just finished reading The Circle by bestselling author Laura Day.

It is amazing in its simplicity and lyrical in its presentation.

The red circle on the cover of the small but powerful hardback represents the place where we place our wishes.

It’s the starting point…the match that sets the blaze that becomes our dreams realized.

I will not ruin the experience by outlining the entire process. But I will take a moment to discuss the first place most people go wrong.

Most of us never make goals. Most of us never make wishes.

We stop making wishes, most of us, when the candles on our cake reaches the higher double digits.

Wishing is for kids. Wishing is for dreamers.

Both statements are true. But also true is that wishes are for ALL OF US!

We ALL need to wish for something, and most of us DO, just so subconsciously we don’t realize it.

Most of us have wishes of getting rich. Who wouldn’t? But most of us follow that wish with immediate thoughts of “Oh, that’s crazy!” or “Talk about a fairy tale!” or “Getting rich is for other people, not me” or “I can never be rich because (fill in the blank)”.

A wish is only useful if we have a sincere belief that we can attain it. If you wish to lose weight, you have to be able to believe you CAN lose weight.

More importantly, you have to be able to SEE the new you. See yourself in your mind exactly how you will look at your new, ideal weight. The way your clothes will fit you. The way you will feel when you look in the mirror and see the svelte, healthier you.

With any wish, your next step after making it is to act as if you already have it. This is another thing that we forget to do once we become adults. Children have no problem at all pretending they have all their Christmas presents, even if it’s JULY!

So make a wish and act as if you already have it. Feel it! Taste it! See it! Hold it in your hands! Take it all in!

This is, of course, just the first of many steps outlined in The Circle by Laura Day. Her book is an adventure, it truly is. It’s a book that can be enjoyed in just a couple of hours. But the tools it provides in helping make your wishes come true really will change your life.

If you believe.

End Highway Deaths: Ban Highways!

2008-07-31T08:53:00.000-07:00

Yes, the title of this blog IS ridiculous.

But the supposition is correct, is it not? If you really wanted to end ALL highway deaths, the only way you could realistically accomplish that is to get rid if highways. You COULD get rid of cars, I guess. But someone riding a bike or walking on the highway could still get hit and killed.

Why do I bring up this absurd scenario?

Because there is a story today that Scotland is boasting about cutting heart attacks by the HUNDREDS in the first year following its smoking ban.

In fact, heart attacks went down 17% in that first year!

What is the purpose of the report? To justify the ban, of course.

Same way they love doing studies showing that bars and restaurants don't really lose money following smoking bans.

The ends justify the means for these types of people.

Of course heart attacks will go down after criminalizing smoking.

Same way highway deaths will END if you close all highways.

Same way you will stop drunkeness if alcohol were to suddenly disappear.

Sometimes the little inconvenient thing called RIGHTS get in the way of such bans. A REAL inconvenient truth.

There Shouldn't Be a Minimum Wage

2008-07-25T07:11:00.000-07:00

Did the title of my blog give you whiplash? Heart palpitations?

I said it. And I believe it. THERE SHOULDN'T BE A MINIMUM WAGE.

Certainly not one set by the government at ANY level.

The Federal minimum wage went up 70 cents to $6.55 an hour yesterday. That would be the second of three increases that went into effect after legislation was passed last year.

Why am I so cruel to the worker making a few bucks an hour? I am not cruel. I am logical. I am a free market champion.

I believe that the only two people who should be involved in payment decisions ought to be the employee and the employer. PERIOD.

If I have a job and it pays $4.00 an hour and you really WANT it, you should be able to take it. And I should be able to hire you. Simple, isn't it?

Contrary to the scare tactics of many, this will not return us to the days of slavery and indentured servitude. Nothing of the sort.

It would simply mean that an employer would pay a worker what they were worth for the job AT HAND, not what the government decided they were worth.

For instance, let's say I own an ice cream shop. I need to hire someone to dip my cones in chocolate. Is that really $6.55 an hour worth of labor?? OF COURSE NOT. I'd say it's worth maybe $3.50 an hour TOPS.

The point is, no one is being forced to dip those cones for me. Chances are it will be enticing for the crowd the minimum wage was INTENDED FOR in the first place--entry level workers and students.

Why should some faceless bureaucrat decide what MY employees are going to earn an hour??

I hate it when I hear people moan, "I can't raise a family of 4 on the minimum wage!"

Of course you CAN'T! You aren't SUPPOSED to! No one ever intended you to raise a family of ANY number on the minimum wage!

The intention was that you would START with an entry level job that paid entry level wages and that you would better yourself and your skill and circumstance and MOVE UP.

This whole wage nonsense is artificially trying to move people up.

So why not be more realistic than $6.55 an hour (some states are actually higher than the Federal benchmark)...you still can't raise a family very well making that kind of money. So why not just get all these workers out of their misery and make the minimum wage $18 an hour? Wouldn't THAT make more sense?

Instead, politicians throw bones at potential or future supporters by giving them the illusion that they have just improved their lives.

Politicians ought to have the guts to ask what I would ask--why are you 45 years old and making less than $7.00 an hour????

Ouch. That was rough. But it was honest. Maybe brutally so. But it's the only truthful question to ask.

Next thing you know our leaders (and probably a sizable number of voters) will propose and support a MAXIMUM WAGE.

Think about it. Tiger Woods shouldn't make so much money on 18 holes or for wearing a cap with a logo on it. Those dirty, rotten CEOs shouldn't be bailing with the golden parachutes they are given. Movie stars shouldn't make millions for a few months work playing "pretend" toentertain us.

So cap the MAXIMUM someone can make! Work hard, study hard, apply yourself to your darnest--and STILL only be able to make a certain dollar amount an hour! $200,000 should be all you can ever hope to make in a year. How's THAT for killing aspirations and dreams.

Hey, it's no more un-American than the minimum wage.

You just probably never thought of it that way.

Motivational Monday: The Book That Inspired "The Secret"

2008-07-21T08:49:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading a life changing book written nearly 100 years ago. It has impacted millions of readers through the years, including Rhonda Byrne who is best known as the woman who brought us the film and book called "The Secret"--a bestseller around the world.

The book is THE SCIENCE OF GETTING RICH: FINANCIAL SUCCESS THROUGH CREATIVE THOUGHT by Wallace D. Wattles. It was written in 1910 but it is as timely as ever today in our current state of doom and gloom regarding the economy and our personal state of wealth.

Every politician should read it. Every business leader. Every teacher. Every student. Every American. I paid $6.95 for it in a beautiful Barnes & Noble edition but its value is many times that.

The lessons taught are straight forward and simple for all to understand. The principles are timeless and practical and they WILL work if you apply them and believe they will work.

The basic premise is that your thoughts are things...that they bring things into your life, both good and bad. Your mind is a magnet and it will attract whatever it is you are dwelling on.

Wattles believed, and correctly so, that you cannot dwell and put your focus on poverty and expect to reach prosperous results. You cannot dwell and put your focus on illness and expect to reach healthy results.

Your thoughts and your feelings are always a match. Try driving to work tomorrow thinking awful, earth shattering thoughts of pessimism and see how you feel. I guarantee they will not make you feel good.

Conversely, I can guarantee it will be hard if not impossible for you to feel badly if you are singing your favorite song and thinking wonderful thoughts about your future.

The book is less than 100 pages long and can change your life if you follow its principles and teachings. Go out and buy this book! You owe it to yourself.

Thoughts...are...things. And thoughts...become...things.

So make it your aim to focus less on the bills that have flooded your mailbox and more on the endless supply of abundance that is always at your feet.

It has always been at your feet. You just were too worried dwelling on lack to notice.

That is all going to change. Starting today!

The Kids Aren't OK

2008-07-14T07:24:00.000-07:00

We already know that many American schools have banned childhood staples such as tag and dodgeball over the clear and present danger such games pose to children. After all, we are talking about physical AND self esteem injuries should junior take one in the face or always be "it".

Now a story from Britain leads us further down the road of sterilizing everything that was wonderful about being a kid.

Teachers at a primary school dropped plans for a traditional potato sack race over fears that...gasp...the kids might get hurt.

Three-legged races were also dumped, not out of fear of offending four-legged children, but out of fear that...Heavens to Murgatroyd...a little one might trip and fall and skin a knee. OH NO!

A local educational leader explained. "We had to assess which of the activities were liable to cause a risk."

How about waking up in the morning? Opening the front door? Crossing the street. Or even worse--DRIVING to the event!

My kids slip and fall ALL DAY LONG and it's never been as a result of hopping on one foot or sprinting in a potato sack.

KIDS SLIP AND FALL!

We are engineering a generation of kids who don't ever fall. They will turn into adults who have never fallen.

And one day when they do, they will come unhinged.

Stop butchering childhood! Let kids be kids!

Let the potato sack races live on!

In Loving Memory of My Mother

2008-07-07T06:45:00.000-07:00

My mother died last Tuesday morning.

Even as I write those words, none of it seems real. It's fiction. It must have happened in a horrible nightmare or to someone else. My mother is still alive and will walk down the stairs of our home any minute now and hug and kiss and love her grandchildren.

She died in intensive care after days of dialysis and heavy life support. She was, according to the doctors and nurses, in a coma the last few days of her life and she didn't suffer, which is one of the few reassurances you can give someone as they watch a loved one die before their very eyes. Another reassurance is that they can still hear the words we whisper into their ears, even if they outwardly don't seem to be registering them.

My mother came to visit us on a Thursday. She came down with flu-like symptoms the next day. And by Saturday morning she was being shuttled by ambulance to intensive care. The following day she was on dialysis as her kidneys had shut down. Sunday night was rough and a tight rope. Monday night showed promise and a glimmer of hope. We all really started believing she was going to pull out of this sudden calamity.

But Tuesday morning at 8am my precious mother left this world. My father and I were there to hold her hand and stroke her forehead and kiss her cheeks. I have never seen my father more broken and I have never cried as intensely for anyone or anything as I did watching my mother having the monitors turned off and her vitals fading forever.

She died with my 8-month-old baby girl's security blanket (a sweet tiger that she would never generally part with) on her chest. She loved all her grandkids, but the joy she experienced with that baby girl was enough to take your breath away.

Our lives were, needless to say, sent into a spiral of confusion, denial, and anger.

How on earth could this happen?? She was FINE one day and sick the next. Then she was taken from us.

The most unnerving part, I think, is when the best medical crews and doctors scratch their own heads and offer little in terms of definite answers. Her body was attacked and ultimately destroyed by a catastrophic infection. It happens, they said. And sometimes there is nothing that our advanced medical technologies can do to stop the wheels from turning down their inevitable end.

What I found the most remarkable about those days and final moments in the hospital was the lack of the sense of urgency and chaos that we have come to know from Hollywood's version of the inside of a hospital.

Even as my beloved mother began to slip away, the doctors and crew spoke calmly and walked about her bed with soft steps.

How could you be so CALM, I remember screaming inside my head as I felt the tears and the horror and the angst coming over me. MY MOTHER IS DYING...HOW CAN YOU WALK SO LIGHTLY??

Maybe it was her age (77) or the fact that they knew ultimately they had done everything they could for her. Maybe they knew it was simply but sadly her time to go.

My mother was a great woman and I wish that you could have known her. Those of you who did know how enriched your lives were just by virtue of knowing her.

She was the most selfless person I ever knew. Nothing was about her. She was always more concerned with the comfort and happiness of others before her own. Such a person is rare, especially in today's world. In this GIMME, GIMME, GIMME world, it's getting harder and harder to find someone who will make sure you are being treated well.

She leaves behind my father, to whom she was married for almost 48 years, myself (her only son), an adoring daughter-in-law, and 6 grandchildren (there was no such thing as STEP grandchildren to her...she loved them all the same and her obituary made no distinction between them...that was how deep her love was), not to mention countless others who will miss her dearly.

I am currently being comforted by my faith and by the words of scholars and experts who continue to remind us that our loved ones never really GO somewhere far away. They are with us even now. We may not be able to hear them or see them or touch them. They are our gentle and unseen companions that never leave our sides as we continue to take our steps through this life.

Forever hoping that we never lose sight of the fact that they are never more than a whisper or a thought or a prayer away.

We bury my mother on Wednesday in a ceremony ultimately designed for the living, not the deceased. We will all look down at the grave as if she is IN it. But she is not. Her earthly body perhaps, yes. But the essence and beauty that was my mother still IS my mother and always will be.

We are better served looking next to us than below us at the ground.

I love you, my sweet mother. You were the most amazing woman I ever knew. I wish I could have had you for more time than I did, but I thank God for the years I was fortunate enough to have. You will always be with me.

Fiery California

2008-06-24T07:02:00.001-07:00

I just tried to take some pictures of the blood red sun outside my kitchen window and none of the them are capturing the eeriness of the sight.

The sky is filled with haze, and other than the brownish tinge to it, it reminds me of the foggy days growing up in San Francisco.

Only the skies over the Sacramento area are generally bright blue. It looks like winter outside.

And it smells like a thousand ash trays were thrown into the BBQ and cooked right in front of your captive nostrils.

What experts are calling "unprecedented" lightning storms are the culprits in the more than 800 fires burning throughout the Golden State, all but a couple in the northern part of the state. Imagine--more than 5,000 lightning strikes!

The smell of the smoke on your clothes and in your car and house are minor inconveniences compared to the terrible (dangerous in some parts) toll they can take on your breathing. In some areas, people with weakened immunity and breathing conditions are advised to stay inside if possible.

Two of the biggest fires are within two hours of us but you wouldn't know it looking out the window. I can't imagine being at ground zero at any of these fires if it looks like this here.

Thousands of acres continue to burn and firefighters have been injured.

It's all an awesome and humbling and frightening reminder of the power of nature and how little we become when viewed against its immense backdrop.

Motivational Monday: S'mores Galore In Spite of Gas Prices!

2008-06-16T07:26:00.000-07:00

No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth. Although taking a week off in radio is the equivalent of 2 months in most other occupations. It seems like I have been gone longer.

Maybe that's because we traded in the 4 bathrooms at home for a bathroom down the flashlight lit path of a campsite.

Now all you avid campers don't need to get too excited. I didn't camp in a tent or anything. I still hold an aversion to the thought of sleeping on rocks and having little critters sneaking a peak through or under some pretty thin looking material.

Yes, I still like the idea of giving a bear or a raccoon a few extra layers of wood to have to tear through to get to me.

Anyway, we packed up the kids, 2 cars, a million dollars worth of fuel, and enough Capri Suns to quench the thirst of a thousand. And we headed for the great outdoors. 5 days in a two room cabin less than a mile from the beautiful California coast (http://koa.com/where/ca/05113/).

In the first 10 minutes we were there, we almost started another California wildfire. My wife hooked up the propane tank incorrectly and when she went to light it...ZOINKS!!

I wish I hadn't been panicking so much because it would have been cool to have run and grabbed my camera for pictures. The flames were two feet high on the picnic table and the look on my face was worth the price of admission.

After a few moments of smashing the table with a box, the flames were out and the rest of the trip was all down hill from there.

We didn't exactly rough it THAT much. My wife and kids brought their Nintendo DS's and we DID order pizza one night. HAHAHA. Ordering pizza when you go camping! Now that's MY kind of camping!! Not being too far for the pizza guy to come find you in the woods!

That might actually be my prerequisite from now on. That we have to be within delivery distance of a pizza place!

Even though we packed all the food away at night, our neighbors didn't and the raccoons and skunks paid us nightly visits. I tried to scare three skunks away and they looked at me like, "Yeah. Right. We've tipped over GARBAGE CANS bigger than you, Bud."

Our adventures ranged from swimming in the pool to spending a day at the world renowned Monterey Bay Aquarium, right on John Steinbeck's Cannery Row. Check them out at http://www.mbayaq.org/. Where else can you touch a Bat Ray and pass by historical fish canning factories made famous by one of America's best authors all in the same hour?

We also visited one of the quirkiest places in America...the Mystery Spot in the redwood forests outside Santa Cruz (http://www.mysteryspot.com/). This place is WILD. Everything you know about the laws of gravity and physics will come into doubt. I saw things with my own eyes that STILL make my head hurt.

Our final big excursion was any train lover's heaven...the Roaring Camp Railroads in Felton, California (http://www.roaringcamp.com/). We rode a narrow gauge steam train through thousands of ancient redwoods. It was amazing to think that such a memorable outing could be had in less than 90 minutes.

Nights ranged from warm to freezing cold and always ended with a roaring fire and plenty of s'mores and fun times.

Why is all this a Motivational Monday blog topic? Because it would have really been easy to cancel the whole vacation and blame the mind boggling price of gas for putting a damper on our plans.

But we compromised is all. Instead of a vacation further away and perhaps involving hotels and eating out a lot, we rented a rustic cabin less than 4 hours away from home and kept the amenities to a minimum.

We WERE able to swing it. We just had to make the proper CHOICES to make it happen.

Cut here and there, make a few sacrifices, and you won't have to cancel that family vacation after all. Defy the headlines and the doom and gloom! Go for it!!

Oh and here is a funny close to today's blog. Thursday night, I accidentally left out a hot dog grill basket on top of the campsite's BBQ pit. The next morning it was gone.

I mean ALL gone. Not just the hot dogs, but the GRILL BASKET, too.

It makes me smile to think somewhere there's a raccoon nest stacked to the ceiling with the wares of careless campers.

Maybe they can sell all the camping gear and buy enough gas to leave the woods and visit the city.

I will leave you with Spencer's Camping Tips:

1) Always have at least a wood wall separating you and the wildlife. Tents are for people with death wishes.

2) Screw the propane tank on correctly or you could end up looking like Wile E. Coyote after a bad run in with the Road Runner.

3) There is no such thing as too many showers when you are in a cabin with 6 kids.

4) It's not smart to yell at a skunk when its tail is up to the sky.

5) Make sure everybody hears you when you say "Last call for the bathroom!"

6) Fun is right in front of you, if you aren't afraid to look.

Does Anyone Read Manuals Anymore?

2008-06-04T05:19:00.001-07:00

I worked retail for several years and although I didn't work directly in the Returns Department, I know from experience the amount of products that come back because they don't work.

Or should I say, because they ALLEGEDLY don't work?

An article I read this week from Engadget.com claims that gizmos and gadgets aren't as messed up and poorly made as we might think.

According to a study done by Accenture, a whopping 95% of gadgets work despite what customers claim!

That reminds me of the customer service lore about the technician telling the computer owner to close Windows only to have the person put the phone down and close every window in the house. Even if that story is exaggerated, it may hold more truth than we'd like to admit.

People just don't read manuals anymore. We're too smart for those, right? We KNOW how that DVD player or remote controlled airplane works. The manual is for OTHER people. The dumb ones, right?

Next time that toaster doesn't work or your cell phone insists on alerting you to new texts with "Funky Town", try flipping through the manual and seeing what's up.

Chances are it's user error. And you, I am afraid, are the user. I am, too. We ALL are!

And remember this sobering statistic. Out of the nearly $14 billion worth of returned products last year, only 5% were truly broken.

And now if you'll excuse me. The microwave is blinking 12:00 and I need to figure out if that has anything to do with the fact that my popcorn comes out tasting like tri-tip. I think the manual is in the drawer next to my broken watch.

Motivational Monday: Let Nothing Stop You!

2008-06-02T05:05:00.001-07:00

Monday is the hardest day of the week for many people. But only because so many people unfortunately are clocking into jobs that they simply tolerate or downright despise.

We all need something to pump us up, a morale booster that will set us off on the right course for the days ahead.

And that is what I hope the story of Nick Santonastasso will do for you.

Nick is 12-years-old.

But unlike us, he was born with a rare disorder that affects only 11 other people on earth.

So Nick was born with no legs and only one arm with a single finger attached at the end of it.

His parents could have fallen into a depression as many parents would have under such stark adversity.

But they didn't. They decided they would not treat their son differently. And that decision has paid off beautifully all these years later.

Nick, himself, could have fallen into a deep depression, too. Imagine facing life as difficult as it can be...and without three of your limbs.

Most of us would be tempted to curse God and the universe and collapse deep within ourselves.

But Nick was raised that "anything's possible" and he has lived that mindset. He has played football and baseball. He can do a headstand on a skateboard. He can type on a computer and even play the drums.

And he even helps in the kitchen!

How many of YOUR kids help in the kitchen?? How many of US wake up with the love for life that Nick does??

The answer is: not enough, unfortunately.

Our excuses? I'm too poor. Too overweight. I'm not pretty enough. Smart enough. That stuff happens for OTHER people, but never for me. I'll take the chance later...just not today.

Unlike us, Nick has REAL excuses if he wanted to use them. Hmmm. I can't play baseball because I HAVE NO LEGS AND ONLY ONE ARM AND ONE FINGER!!

Shouldn't we feel a little silly now when we come up with our endless excuses each day? Hasn't Nick taught us that we should get off our unmotivated behinds and DO SOMETHING!! Take action!! And do it NOW!!

Ever see severely handicapped people with GIANT smiles? Ever stop and wonder sometimes how it is that someone facing such enormous adversity could find the will to be HAPPY??

Shame on us. They are happier than we are, really, even as we run around with two healthy legs. Why? Because they believe in themselves ultimately more than we believe in ourselves. They are at peace with life, something most of us only strive for but rarely achieve on any given day.

Nick recently entered an art contest for which he drew a large tree. "The roots of a family are..." were written above the tree. And below the tree?

"Love."

The one simple word that makes everything possible. Love of family. Love of life. Love in the belief that anything's possible.

Because as young Nick has proven to all of us, it really is true.

Next time the kids or your spouse of a friend complain about something, share with them the story of Nick Santonstasso. They should stop the complaining very, very quickly.

Life is what you make of it. So make it EXTRAORDINARY!

Reflections on Harvey Korman, 1927-2008

2008-05-30T09:18:00.001-07:00

In this age of mediocrity, comedians seem a dime a dozen. And have you noticed most of them fail at even remotely amusing us? Anyone can call themselves a comedian these days.

And now we have lost a true comedic genius. One of my favorite comedians has left us. Harvey Korman died yesterday in Los Angeles at the age of 81.

My biggest fear is that most people under 40 might not even recognize the name. That is sad.
Usually a reference to his hysterical role in the Mel Brooks classic "Blazzing Saddles" brings out the "Oh YESSS!! THAT was Harvey Korman??"

Of course, he is probably remembered for his classic role alongside Tim Conway on "The Carol Burnett Show".

He and Tim Conway toured the nation together and performed their side splitting antics and comedic genius well into their 70s.

I had the pleasure of meeting both of them a few years back at a show in Sacramento.

I begged and begged to be let backstage to meet my comedic mentors. The P.R. Department kept telling me my chances were 50-50.

The day of the show I STILL had not heard back from anyone, telling me one way or the other what they had decided.

Would I meet two of my favorite comedians in the world?

I walked up to the stage door and presented myself humbly. They remembered my name and my efforts to meet these gentlemen had impressed them it turns out.

They stepped away to ask them how they felt about a visitor and to my absolute joy, they agreed to a meet and greet.

And there they were. Two comedic giants standing before me. Two men I had grown up watching on television and in the movies. Two men who had shaped my comedic heart and soul forever and in ways they could never understand were shaking my trembling but firm hand and talking to me!

By the way, it was a classic performance and I am so glad I made the time to go see them. I would have regretted it if I hadn't.

As for all the talk about "Blazzing Saddles" being his funniest film, I disagree. Of all the Mel Brooks movies he stared in, I think his performance as the corrupt psychiatrist in "High Anxiety" was his best and most underrated role. Watch it and get ready to laugh till you hurt.

Thank you, Harvey Korman, for making me laugh. For lightening my load. For teaching me how true comedy is crafted and perfected.

And thank you, most of all, for giving me the chance to look you in the eye and thank you myself for all those years of laughter and fun.

You will be missed.

Shades of Grey

2008-05-29T09:02:00.000-07:00

Aliens are real.

Just ask Jeff Peckman of Colorado.

He claims to have videotaped a "Grey" alien in a video that will be unveiled to officials tomorrow. The rest of us will have to wait for a while.

I believe in extraterrestrial life. We can't be the only life in this vast universe. But does it help Peckman's credibility that he is pushing for a Denver ballot initiative that would create an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission??

Doesn't that sound a little NUTTY??

But if he is convinced his discovery is real, then it would stand to reason that he believes the government should have a department in place to deal with alien life, right?

By the way, an instructor at the Colorado Film School claims the video is real. Well, of course, the VIDEO is real. But nowadays it is so easy to create or manipulate reality any way that you choose to.

Look at movies like E.T. and CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND. Those were YEARS ago and the creatures look pretty darned real to me. I have seen people with Photoshop and video editing skills create virtual miracles that would have stumped me.

So does this video really show a genuine space alien? Who knows. That will be up to the experts to decide.

In the meantime, I want to believe.

I really do.

And now if you'll excuse me. I need to beam back up to the mothership and finish my show prep.

One Word Not To Utter In San Francisco: Plastics

2008-05-21T08:45:00.000-07:00

San Francisco residents are now safe from the evils of plastic grocery bags.

Or better put, Mother Earth is now safe from these dastardly demons.

Plastic bags already bowed and exited from large supermarkes when the San Francisco ban went into effect six months ago.

But now big drugstores like Rite Aid and Walgreens will be prevented from offering them. Can you imagine this??

Yes, this is one of those "Only in San Francisco" topics, although the trend has started to catch on elsewhere. Soon it will be across the country before we know it.

San Francisco is the city of my birth. I spent the first 24 years of my life there. And it makes me mad that the city chose to rid itself of plastic bags before ridding itself of dirty needles in the city parks. Before getting the drug addicts and winos off the streets. Before controlling graffiti and crime.

Recently while spending the night in our apartment in the City, we heard what sounded like AK-47s going off. But never mind that.

At least the City has gotten rid of a much more dangerous culprit. Plastic bags! Hip, hip, hooray!

Maybe they can ban the Board of Stupervisors next.

Post script: Know what I did last night? I did some MAJOR grocery shopping in a city just outside of San Francisco's Stupidity Sphere and bagged my groceries in DOUBLE LAYERED plastic bags. Even for groceries that weren't all that heavy.

I hope my Mother Earth can forgive me someday.

A Fear Confronted

2008-05-19T08:28:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has listened to my show even casually knows I have a fear of swimming.

Probably because I never learned HOW to. It's a long and typical story but my fears were born in childhood and proved hard to shake nearly 40 years later.

That is, until yesterday.

It was 100 degrees plus over the weekend and the kids were having a field day in the pool.

My five-year-old learned to swim yesterday and I marveled at how fast he picked it up. He was literally fearless as he went all the way across to the deep end, with Mommy close by just in case.

After everyone had pretty much wrapped up the evening and gone inside, I decided to face my fears head on. I started by dipping my head under the water. Then I did it without plugging my nose.

Then I realized, before I even knew it, I was swimming.

SWIMMING.

Then I went from one end of the shallow end to the other. Back and forth. I was out there for more than an hour. I didn't want to come in.

I am already looking forward to going into the pool later and learning some more.

I did something that scared me this weekend. And I overcame a huge, life long fear.

And it felt, and still feels, awesome.

Do something today that scares you. And it will make you feel stronger than you ever thought possible.

My Masculinity At Stake AGAIN

2008-05-14T06:03:00.000-07:00

It always happens this way.

Just as my masculinity recovers itself, there is something that happens to threaten it once more.

Now there is a list of the Top 10 Unmanliest Drinks In The World.

Great.

And you guessed it, yours truly has had more than a few on the list from time to time.

What's wrong with a wine spritzer?? It can get to be 112 in the summer where I live. Let me cool down with a wine spritzer if I want to!

Cranberry juice with vodka? Forget about it.

And if the women from "Sex In The City" drink Cosmos, that means us men should leave them alone. But they are SO GOOD! Why is it that I feel I have to steal a taste from my Better Half when no one is looking?

I can't help it. I love drinks that come with plastic swords and paper umbrellas. They are fruity and refreshing and yummy.

Oh, by the way. The survey also includes ANYTHING with Diet Coke in it. And even WATER.

So no man is safe.

Thank God no one saw me be the only male at a golf tournament fundraiser this week who was drinking Bud Light Lime. I kept the bottle carefully hidden at just the right angle. While the other men indulged in testostore favorites, I was really digging that beer. Fruity. Refreshing. Yummy.

And now if you'll excuse me, I think I will make myself a virgin Apple-tini as I continue with my show prep.

When Things Happen Out of the Blue

2008-05-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

I got an e-mail this morning from an old colleague and friend. We haven't been in touch in literally years. We lost track of each other long ago and all of a sudden there was an e-mail from him.

But WAS it all of a sudden?

As anyone who has listened to my show in the last year or so knows, I am a recent student of the Law of Attraction. Some people call it "The Secret" but it really shouldn't be that big of a secret at all. It's the basic law of the universe. Like attracts like.

And you become what you think about most of the time.

You can even ask my producers if this isn't true--not one month ago I asked them to help me track down the above mentioned colleague from my past. At best, we were only able to pin him down to the last place he worked and the leads I followed up on proved a waste of time.

Then today it all changed. HE contacted ME.

Coincidence? I can't prove it one way or the other. All I can say is I once would have believed that. But not anymore.

It happens way too often to be a mere coincidence.

Hasn't that ever happened to you? Try it. Think of an old friend or family member you haven't talked to in a long time. Focus on them. Focus on getting connected again with them.

Then sit back and be shocked. Somewhere, sometime, and somehow, you will be reconnected with that person.

They will call you out of the blue. Or e-mail, as was the case for me this morning. Maybe someone will bring up their name in conversation. Maybe someone you don't even KNOW will be an associate or friend of that person and put you in touch with them.

Some call it 6 degrees of separation. Call it what you want. The universe doesn't make mistakes when it comes to stuff like this, I am now sure of it.

Haven't you ever hummed or whistled a tune and then found it UNAVOIDABLE all day long on the radio? It just keeps PLAYING over and over again.

That, too, I once attributed to mere chance. But I think there is more to it than that.

We emit, like all energy sources, endless vibrations. And sometimes we are vibrating out of sync with what we want. Those are the days when NOTHING goes right. NOTHING seems to fit. We are square pegs trying to fit in round holes on days like that.

Then there are days when EVERYTHING falls into place. When we are truly happy with ourselves and our place. Those are the days without bills in the mailbox and a parking space just for you everywhere you go. The kids don't fight and the traffic is light.

That's the difference, I believe, between sending out vibrations that are contrary to the hum of the day and those that are in TUNE with the hum of the day.

So start humming that song and thinking of that friend.

And maybe, just maybe, you will be amazed by these small but miraculous wonders that make life the great adventure that it is.

America, I'm Going Home

2008-05-02T05:55:00.000-07:00

I never used to watch AMERICAN IDOL. I passed on it the first few seasons. I ended up enjoying the music of Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood (call me a metrosexual, if you INSIST), without ever having watched them from the auditions to their final, glorious moments.

But all that changed a couple of seasons ago. My Better Half finally got me to sit down and watch it. And I LOVED it. Not a love on the level of a platter of barely pan seared fresh ahi tuna, but it was a love nonetheless.

I became hooked and got upset when I missed an episode.

But now, America, I am...going home. I have officially retired from the rest of this season of the show.

Why?

Because AMERICAN IDOL fans at home have voted to keep the four most annoying and least talented (in my opinion, of course) singers they could possibly have kept.

This week saw the expulsion of my Better Half's favorite and mine, Brooke White.

She was the only elegant one of the bunch. The only one whose voice really touched us, moved us...entertained us. We were both sure she would go all the way.

But this week, she went home. And so have I.

I cannot stand the insane cuteness that people see in David "I finally stopped licking my lips three episodes ago" Archuleta, the kid who looks 7-years-old. It's hard to Google images of actor Robert Blake when he was a child star in the Bogart classic "Treasure of the Sierra Madre", but the two are DEAD RINGERS for each other.

Jason Castro--Mr. Dreadlocks--reminded me too much, no offense, of the street urchins who plagued me for money on the street corners of Berkeley during my sentence there. Some of them played a guitar, others just held their hand out for money. But he reminds me of every single one of them. Plus every song he sang sounded EXACTLY the same to me. But the chicks dug him, for whatever reason, and the voters at home as well.

Syesha Mercado was tremendously overrated from day one, in my opinion. I never found her exceptionally talented, and never dreamed she would make the top 20, let alone the final 4.

And then there is, arguably, THE most annoying IDOL contestant EVER...David "I'm trying to look like Axle Rose from Guns N' Roses" Cook. WOW. I thought I could be annoying sometimes. How about ALL the time?? From his arrogant productions to his cliched voice, David Cook reminded me of all the junk you hear on the radio. It all sounds the same after a while.

So...the final four contestants remind me of how many people must feel about the Presidential candidates. These are your choices...you don't really like any of them...but you have to support SOMEBODY, right?

Nah. You, too America, can decide to go...home.

And with finalists like this, home might not be such a bad place to be. Maybe next time will be better.

Voter ID Is a Great Idea

2008-04-30T06:52:00.000-07:00

May I see your ID, please?

We all hear this all day long, don't we?

At the bank. At the hospital. At the car rental agency. When opening up any sort of account.

Even at the video store.

But one place where showing your picture ID has been missing in far too many places for far too long has been the voting booth!

It has always seemed strange to me, but also downright un-American, that you could be able to cast a VOTE and not have to prove you are the person the polling place thinks you are!

I have NEVER been asked to show my ID before voting. NEVER. That goes from local school board elections all the way up to Presidential races. NEVER.

Well, the practice of requiring ID will hopefully become far more common after a reasonable Supreme Court ruling this week that upheld Indiana's voter identification law.

It was refreshing to see one of the more more liberal of the Justices, John Paul Stevens, wrote the opinion of the majority in the 6-3 decision.

I say refreshing because it tends to be leftists in America who are so passionately fighting AGAINST such requirements!

They claim, falsely, that whole segments of our society--the poor, minorities, and the disabled--are being DISENFRANCHISED from voting!

What NONSENSE! NO ONE in this country is being disenfranchised. That is a fighting word that unfortunately most people cannot define accurately.

To disenfranchise someone is to take away their right to vote. NO ONE is having this done to them, except for some people in prison who LOST their right to vote through their own actions.

But no poor person, minority, or diabled person is being kept from voting because they would have to show proper ID.

Can you imagine how insulting such an insinuation is on the FACE of it?? These groups cannot afford or acquire a simple PHOTO ID??

Loudmouth liberals and partisan democrats insist it is a GOP plot to keep people from voting.

The reality is that these politicians and spokespeople ought to give the groups they represent more credit than they do.

Voting is a right that people fought for over a long period of time. Many in the world don't even have the right. They have no say.

We DO.

And isn't that worth having to show a simple ID card for?

If we are willing to show it to rent a silly movie, we should be honored to have to show it to cast a vote in the greatest nation that has ever been.

Watch Me Pull an 8-Foot Straw Out of My Hat!

2008-04-23T06:13:00.000-07:00

I finally decided to do it. I jumped back into the wonderful world of magic.

It had been a very long hiatus. My oldest daughter (who is going to be 10 this year) was barely a toddler when I last had frequented my local magic shop.

Last night I performed some new tricks I recently purchased and the look on my children's faces told me I had made the right decision.

Kids need magic. Heck, adults need it, too.

In this fast paced world of ours, there seems to be fewer and fewer things that truly AMAZE us. Are you REALLY amazed by much out there? Mystified??

With all the technical gizmos and video games and modern day amusements that my kids have, I don't remember seeing their jaws drop quite as much as when I pulled an 8-foot beverage straw out of a fast food bag last night.

Now THAT'S magic.

And the beauty of magic performed correctly is that your mind concludes it has just witnessed something that is NOT POSSIBLE.

There is NO way that card could have appeared inside the locked box. There is NO way that the coin could have jumped from spectator to spectator. There is NO way that a woman just got sawed in half and put back together.

And there is CERTAINLY NO WAY that a radio talk show host pulled the biggest straw ever out of an 8 inch deep bag.

Yes. There IS a way.

With magic, there always is.

When Driving Goes to the Dogs

2008-04-21T09:12:00.000-07:00

One of the most idiotic sights I will ever see in my life is a person driving with a dog on their lap.

What is the purpose of this??

One thing is to take your pal on outings to the beach or the store, but why must the beast ride ON YOUR LAP??

My family and I nearly got into an accident over the weekend because of a moron who felt it necessary to let his DOG drive with him! Not alongside him. Not in the back seat. Not in the wayback.

ON HIS LAP.

How is this allowed?

Well, in California, it might not be allowed for much longer.

Can you believe we need legislation to stop such irresponsible, dangerous, and foolish behavior?

Assembly Bill 2233 would make it illegal to carry a live animal on your lap while behind the wheel. Considering it's California, they ought to be more clear because people might try to carry a "dead" animal on their lap while behind the wheel.

Too bad the infraction would only warrant a base fine of $35. That's a flea on a Doberman. We need it to be more like $2,000 if you ask me.

There is no reason you need an animal on your lap while driving a car. It's dangerous AND ridiculous.

And if the bill becomes law--which I pray that it will--and Fido protests, tell 'em you are working hard on legislation that will allow YOU to sit on HIS lap while HE is driving the car.

That way, neither one of you will suffer from separation anxiety.

Why Sex Offenders Need To Be Locked Up

2008-04-17T05:35:00.000-07:00

What is the best way to keep a repeat offender from breaking the law?

Make it so they can't break the law anymore!

How? By locking them up. For a long time. Maybe forever. Whatever it takes so that they don't keep preying on innocent people.

I saw a story this week that really angered me about a guy named Freddie Johnson.

This creature has been arrested 53 times, most of the infractions involving the groping of female passengers on the New York subway.

FIFTY THREE TIMES. How many times have YOU been arrested? I have NEVER been arrested.

But I would expect the system to have thrown me AND the key away long before the 53rd arrest.

It is a fact that many crimes are committed by a select group of people over and over and over again. It's the result of our revolving door justice system.

The good news is that if found guilty in this latest incident, Johnson could go to prison for LIFE.

The bad news is that this registered sex offender got himself in this hot water TWO WEEKS after being released from prison after serving 4 years for persistent sexual abuse!

The bad news is that despite recommendations from the state's attorney general's office that Johnson be confined under a recently passed sex offender law because they saw him as a risk, a judge decided electronic monitoring and strict supervision was enough. Apparently, that WASN'T enough, was it?

The bad news is, far too many people had to fall victim to this guy before the system paid attention.

Let's hope the system doesn't blow it again.

Your CLOTHES Don't Fit You Anymore??

2008-04-11T05:51:00.000-07:00

"My clothes don't fit me anymore!"

My wild imagination conjures images of halter tops, blue jeans, and business suits conspiring against their owner in the darkness of the crowded closet.

"Psssst! What do you say we shrink a couple of sizes by morning so that when she reaches for the ensemble of the day, they fit her like Saran Wrap!!" cackles the flowery skirt to the mishievous silk blouse.

Or maybe the dress shirt shrinks to a size 14 neck just to spite the man headed to his much anticipated job interview!

Nope.

This doesn't happen. At least not outside of my warped head.

But people--and I am guilty of this at times myself--love to use the phrase "my clothes don't fit me anymore!"

The hard part to swallow here is that unless you ran your clothes through the wrong cycle or misread the care instructions, your clothes had little to do with the fact that you needed a shoe horn to fit into them this morning. And even in those examples, YOU are the one who screwed up.

You see, clothes don't stop fitting you anymore than clutter piles up on your desk. Dishes don't hold meetings on your kitchen counters and bills don't stack up on their own.

There is no mystery here.

YOU are the one doing all of this.

Yes, GASP, YOU are the one who doesn't fit YOUR clothes anymore!

While your clothes sat there waiting to be worn, YOU decided to have an extra slice of cake at the company birthday party. YOU decided that watching the ballgame was more important than the evening walk with the family. YOU decided to let yourself go.

YOU are the one who betrayed YOUR clothes! Not the other way around!

Sometimes, if you are lucky, you find that your clothes fit a little LOOSER, not tighter.

That's when you can set aside the exercise, the sensible diet, change in lifestyle, and head to the closet to thank all of your clothes for fitting you so nicely all of a sudden.

After all, THEY get all the blame when things go wrong. So why not shower them with the credit sometimes, too?

The self esteem of your sweats will never be the same again.

The Ugliest Building In The World

2008-04-10T09:06:00.000-07:00

OK, it's true I haven't been to every country on earth, let alone seen every building on earth.

But I am still more than a little confident that I have seen the ugliest building in the world. And it's in the once majestic city of my birth, San Francisco.

The M.H. de Young Museum in Golden Gate Park was once a glorious edifice that was demolished after the 1989 earthquake damaged it beyond repair. It was replaced by a horrifyingly ugly "thing" that now sits in the park like a heap of space junk that feel from the stars.

But I digress because as ugly as the de Young is, it is not the ugliest by far.

That honor would rest with the new Federal Building south of Market.

I cannot speak for other cities in America. I can't even really speak for THE City. But I can tell you one thing for sure--style and taste apparently are no longer considerations when designing buildings in San Francisco. (But luckily for our dying earth, GREEN is a consideration, as there is no air conditioning in the building and elevators stop only every three floors to promote wellness.)

But I digress.

This building, in my opinion, is an insult to architecture itself. Gone is the style and elegance that once graced San Francisco's buildings. It is the greatest eyesore I have ever seen.

Everyone I know who has seen it asks the same question: Is it FINISHED?? Why is there still scaffolding on the sides of the building? That's not scaffolding. And yes, it IS finished. That ugly, mesh look is the same look that is afflicting the de Young Museum in Golden Gate Park. I have never dabbled in designing buildings, but my gut tells me it's not a good sign if the casual onlooker can't even tell if your work is COMPLETE.

Is this the style of buildings of the future? Then get me a time machine and let me blast to the past. I don't want any part of it.

It astounds me that a city that would take a stand on preserving a "Doggie Diner" sign wouldn't take an equal stand in trying to preserve a sense of architectural dignity in a once beautiful city.

I grimace at the thought of future architects trying to "one up" the Golden Gate Bridge or the Palace of Fine Arts. Maybe the talent pool just isn't there any more. Or maybe I am just old and cranky and have no taste.

AM I out of line? Or do you, too, get the impression that buildings are just slapped together these days like a 7-year-old making a ham and cheese sandwich?

I'll have the prime rib, please. And take your time cooking it, OK?

Petraeus, the War, & Faulty Thinking

2008-04-08T08:47:00.000-07:00

As I write this, General David Petraeus is trying to convince ever skeptical democrats that the surge in Iraq has worked and that progress has been made since he last addressed them in September of 2007.

His time is likely to be wasted since nothing to date has been able to change the mind of the most stubborn skeptics.

On and off the air, I hear people saying things like "You can't fight a war on "terror" because you can't fight a war against an "idea" or a broad concept such as "terror"!"

Oh really!

Then why have these same lefties spent TRILLIONS of our dollars on the WAR ON POVERTY?

Poverty is pretty broad, too, isn't it? And in America, as I have endlessly argued, it is largely a concept that is self created. Poverty is largely, I believe, a "malady of the mind". We do not have famines in America. We do not have government regimes plowing through our farms and stealing our property and pride.

So, why have they condoned spending so much money on this futile fight? Do we not still have poor people today? Is there any evidence that the policies of LBJ make millionaires out of the poor and oppressed? Who has really been helped? And at what expense?

These are the questions you are not allowed to ask, lest you be labeled a heretic by the Left.

But honestly, if we wanted to really "solve" poverty, why not just write a check to every poor person in America. Maybe for $100, 000 each? Or maybe $500,000 each. Hey, why not ONE MILLION DOLLARS?

Because that wouldn't end poverty. It might end someone's short term financial problems, that's for sure.

But a person with "impoverished" thoughts will never be rich. It is against every law of the universe.

That's why reckless and irresponsible people can win the lottery or sign a $20 million baseball contract and still be asking for a handout in a matter of years, if it even takes that long.

So if you can't fight a war on "terror", how can you fight a war on "poverty"? And why aren't the costs of the latter EVER allowed to come up the way we are nickle and dimed with countless studies on how much "the war" is costing us?

Sorry. I forgot. You aren't supposed to ask stuff like that.

Baby Beluga

2008-04-02T08:31:00.000-07:00

Our precious baby girl will be getting her first dip in the family swimming pool this summer. Or maybe sooner if global warming will kick in finally. It's FREEZING outside.

But many pediatricians will no doubt frown upon our decision because Baby Beluga is only going to be around 7 months old. That is way too young according to the American Academy of Pediatrics!

They believe that "children are not developmentally ready for formal swimming lessons until after their fourth birthday"!

We're not expecting her to swim laps or even hold her breath at her age. Our plan is merely to acclimate her to water (the way we have to a lesser degree in the tub) so that she doesn't end up like her father.

GASP.

Like her father??

Yes. Like me.

I am scared to death of water.

Well, I like thundershowers and a good soak in the tub with candles and classical music.

But I don't like deep bodies of water. Like the deep end of our pool. You see, I never was taught to swim when I was younger. I was never really made to feel comfortable in water. And it didn't help that some jerk knocked me into a pool when I was very young and the experience scarred me for life.

I don't want our daughter to end up petrified like me. All of our kids are natural born swimmers. They learned to love water, not be phobic of it.

Yes, it may be statistically true that drowning is still the leading cause of accidental death for 1 and 2 year olds.

But where are the parents?? Where is the supervision?? Where is COMMON SENSE??

Don't leave your children unattended in or near water. Always insist they wear life vests until they are proficient swimmers. Heck, our younger kids have to wear life vests even if they are just playing in the yard NEAR the pool.

You HAVE to keep your EYES on your children at all times around a swimming hole. PERIOD.

It's like driving with a cell phone. Nab the dummies that get into wrecks while using them, but leave me ALONE.

We know how to take care of our children. We know how to protect them around water. Please go watch your own children.

I think they just opened the pool gate. Shouldn't you go after them?

Police Panic

2008-03-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

My city is a police state.

There, I said it. I won't tell you where I live. I'm not THAT stupid. But I will tell you this.

The police are everywhere. And it sometimes makes me nervous.

Is that an awful thing to say? After all, these hard working men and women are doing one of the toughest jobs in the world. One that I respect, but do not envy. How many of US could do their jobs?

I blogged awhile back about getting pulled over for a California stop...rolling through a stop sign. Not RUNNING it, but ROLLING through it. More of a One-Thousand-One-And-A-Half than a full two seconds.

I also got pulled over recently for a burned out headlight (or PART of the headlight...the main light remained lit). The funny part of that was that I got pulled over in broad daylight after I turned my lights on to be a safe, responsible driver.

DOH!

Both times I got a warning from the officers.

But honest to goodness, my heart skips a beat every time I turn the corner and there is a squad car there or a motorcycle officer with radar gun in hand.

Ever have the air sucked out of your lungs when you look in the rear view mirror and see a policeman? Even when you are doing NOTHING wrong? You try to correct your driving, maybe even OVER correct your driving, even though there is nothing that you are doing that NEEDS correcting!

My city has very little crime and I really should be thanking the police for that. It may make me nervous to always see them at the intersections or in my mirror but it probably makes the REALLY bad dudes out there even MORE nervous, right?

No, I won't be making any more California stops any time soon.

Thanks to the men and women in blue. Even if they DO make me panic sometimes.

Get An Ugly Guy To Marry You

2008-03-24T06:35:00.000-07:00

Remember the old Jimmy Soul song "If Ya Wanna Be Happy"? You may be drawing a blank until you remember the lesson is how the way to happiness is for a man to marry an ugly woman.

"From my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you" goes the catchy tune. How that song ever survived the ire of the feminists is beyond me.

But the opposite phenomenon has been looked at by researchers--attractive women who marry uglier (or at least, PLAINER) men.

It turns out there may be a scientific answer for why Catherine Zeta Jones is married to Michael Douglas!!

You see, men who see themselves as more attractive than their wives tend to have (according to the study from the University of Tennessee) more disgruntled and negative feelings about marriage.

Theses men tended to offer "less emotional and practical support to their wives" according to Professor Jim McNulty.

So next time you see an attractive woman partnered up with an average or below-average looking guy, you might understand it better.

To quote the above referenced song: "Don't let your friends say you have no taste, Go ahead an marry anyway!"

Birds of the Concrete Islands

2008-03-20T09:17:00.000-07:00

This blog entry will no doubt strike some as too metaphysical for their taste. Some might accuse me of getting too "granola crowd" on them.

But it's a risk I am willing to take and besides, people have thought far worse of me, so what the heck?

I did something new today on the way home from driving my children to school. Stuck at a red light and waiting to make a left hand turn, I glanced over at the concrete island that divided the road. It almost felt as if I was being compelled to take my eyes off the windshield and turn my glance to the median.

And what did I see? Two of the prettiest greenish brown colored birds I have ever seen. They were as tiny as finches and blended in so well into the rosemary bush they were nibbling from that it would have been easy to miss them.

The sight was literally astounding to me. Their colors were as brilliant and vivid as the scenes you see on HD televisions being demonstrated at the front of the electronics store.

The next concrete island had even more. The rosemary bushes were covered in these fascinating and beautiful creatures.

How long had they been there? How many times had I driven past them before without as much as a clue to their existence? A thousand times maybe?

Such is life itself, isn't it? We miss a thousand or more of these seemingly small wonders every day of our lives.

How many smiles from our children have we missed because we were watching the television instead of their faces? How many of us actually TASTE the food that we gobble down everyday like a chore that's reaching a deadline? Ever really feel the ground as you walk on it? Or hear the sounds just beyond the boom box by the bed?

Those glorious birds were there long before I decided to look over in their direction. But I had been too busy looking straight ahead or worrying about something insignificant or trying to balance the checkbook of my mind.

I'm glad I noticed them today. And I will look over at them again tomorrow.

And you should, too.

The birds of the Concrete Islands are wondering what has taken you so long.

A Shake That's As Rare As A Leprechaun

2008-03-18T09:05:00.001-07:00

One of the simple treats I miss most from my childhood is the Shamrock Shake that McDonald's used to offer in the weeks leading up to St. Patrick's Day.

I can still remember how they tasted. They were simply the vanilla shakes with a bit of mint and green coloring added to them.

But if you were a kid in the 70s and 80s, it was something to look forward to.

Now, sadly, they are as rare as good service at a drive-thru, as rare as Leprechauns themselves.

You are out of luck unless you live in Ireland, where they are exclusively sold now. But I don't live in Ireland.

Apparently some rare markets still sell my childhood treasure, but none around me. I have lost 14 pounds on my diet, so I need a Shamrock Shake like I need a hole in the head. But the THOUGHT that I can't have one even if I WANTED one makes me sad.

I am not sure what makes me sadder...the fact that the McDonald's locations that I called didn't even know what I was talking about or that my children will probably never taste one.

For those of you who are nostalgic for the days before fast food felt obligated to apologize for their sinful offerings, when you went to McDonald's for the fries not the fat free dressing, spend a few minutes on Google and reminisce with old Shamrock Shake commercials from the Glory Days of the chain.

Whatever happened to the Grimace, Big Mac, Captain Crook, and the Hamburger patch?

They all died when the company streamlined the character lineup in the 80s. Actually, the Grimace lived until 2007 when he was dropped.

Somebody tell Mayor McCheese, please, to stop the insanity! To bring back the Shamrock Shake and all my favorite fast food friends!

Oh wait. He's gone, too.

Excuse Me, Officer?

2008-03-14T09:20:00.000-07:00

It's hard to find fault with a disabled Iraq war vet's gift to his 7-year-old son.

But I will anyway.

35-year-old Jessie Vigil's gift was to paint his mustang to look like a police car. Not just any police car, but the one from the "Transformers" movie. You see, his son is a huge fan and it made the perfect surprise.

And guess what?

It isn't illegal in Las Vegas, New Mexico to make your vehicle look like a police car! Vigil even added mock (but VERY realistic looking) red and blue lights on the top of the mock squad car. He also painted "POLICE" on the white doors.

A closer inspection reveals the words "To punish and enslave" instead of "To serve and protect", but those words aren't as obvious at first glance or from a distance.

As of this writing, I have yet to hear back from my local police department on their own policy pertaining to this sort of thing. I can't imagine they would support the idea.

The argument is that so long as he isn't pretending to be a police officer, no harm is being done. Plus the local police don't drive Mustangs. Plus, the local police (as many departments do) sell their older vehicles to people without re-painting the vehicles.

But isn't this sort of deception potentially dangerous? People will, no doubt, change their driving when they see this car. Maybe in a dangerous fashion. People might even come looking for assistance. Others might do harm to the driver and passengers BECAUSE it looks like a real police car.

And what if your child sees it and asks the person for help, or puts their trust in the driver thinking they are the real deal? Imagine what a child molester could accomplish if they drove around schools and parks in what looked like a real police car!

"Hey, Johnny! Your parents were in a bad accident. Hop in the car and I will take you to them." We teach our kids to trust the police. But this would be walking right into a trap.

Should I be able to paint my car to look like an ice cream truck and drive slowly through neighborhoods? Can I make my van look like an ambulance? Is THAT ok?

I used an example of this idea a long time ago from my list of immediate things we can do to scare illegal aliens away.

I talked about how effective it would be to put fake I.C.E. and Border Patrol vehicles around hot spots for illegal alien activity. It's true! Illegals would run from these like vampires from garlic.

And my example involved the actual AGENCIES orchestrating the tactics.

Here we have a private citizen painting their car to look like a police car.

As cool as it may be for a 7-year-old to have a car that looks like the one from their favorite movie, it still shouldn't be allowed.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to fire up the Batmobile and head to work.

Magumbo's Bumbo

2008-03-12T08:56:00.000-07:00

We just bought Baby Magumbo (one of the cute nicknames our 5-year-old gave his baby sister) the most amazing piece of baby gear we have seen in a long time. And after 6 kids, we have seen a LOT.

It's called a Bumbo and it is deliciously simple. It's a baby sitter. LITERALLY. It's a little chair made of a single piece of low density foam material that your baby (from 4 to 14 months according to the product's website) can sit in upright.

We took it to a restaurant last night and people were looking at it in amazement. No one has ever seen something like this. It looks like the kind of chair dads like sitting in during the Super Bowl! And you know what the sweetest part of it is? She LOVES it!

Babies spend a lot of time standing in activity saucers or laying in baby swings but how often do they get to sit UPRIGHT in their own little Lazy Boy style chair?

The Bumbo is made of the squishy material a lot of jungle gyms are made of these days. They come in a variety of cool colors and are easy as pie to clean. It's a parent's dream invention and one of baby's favorites so far!

The company's website is http://www.bumboshop.com/ if you are interested in checking it out. It retails for $39.99 at stores like Target and even a little less from the above link.

Trust me all you parents out there.

We may not always agree on politics and the news of the world. But believe me when I tell you this product is REALLY cool.

And even if you don't have a baby of your own, I guarantee you will be REVERED if you give one of these as a gift to someone who does! You might even earn Godparent status for a gift like this!

See? I don't complain about EVERYTHING. I do like SOME things.

I only wish they made these in my size.

No More Mr. Nice Meow

2008-03-10T09:38:00.000-07:00

I don't really have anything against cats. Honest.

After having been a "dog "person" all my life, I ended up owning a couple of cats for awhile. They are fascinating creatures, to say the least. Yes, they cough up hairballs the size of Buicks and try to scratch your eyeballs out, but they are pretty darned cute when they hop up on your lap and curl up to spend good, quality purring time with you.

But I have always hated the fact that cats are not subject to the laws aimed at restraining dogs. A cop can write you a ticket for having your dog off of a leash, but your cat can wander the county for days on end. How is that OK?

Cats are independent! Cats are natural hunters! They need the freedom of the great outdoors!

So much for that freedom when a cat ran out in front of my car and became one with the tire. It was AWFUL. That was probably someone's pet. And they didn't have to die like that. But what do you expect when you let them roam around your neighborhood?

A Boulder, Colorado official wants to clamp down on a feline's free spirited ways by pushing an ordinance that would require cats stay INSIDE.

What's so awful about that? Our cats were strictly indoor cats and they were the happiest cats on earth. Cats don't HAVE to run free outside. They can live perfectly content lives within the confines of your house.

I hope ordinances like this gain ground all over the country. It's bad enough dodging the wild turkeys, coyotes, and jack rabbits. I don't want to have to dodge your cat as it tries to beat my car.

This doesn't even take into account that loose cats can come into your yard and do their thing. They can leave diseases that both your pets and your family can contract. They can even leave fleas for your poor dog who was just minding their own business.

Cats are fine. Just keep them inside, curled up by the fireplace. No more Mr. Nice Meow.

Fast Food...In Twenty Minutes

2008-03-06T09:04:00.000-08:00

This is a very odd story I have to share with you. It happened to me last evening when I was out trying to get "the usual" for my 11-year-old son at Taco Bell: a plain bean and cheese burrito, an caramel apple dessert and a soda.

Easy enough, right? Well, it should have been. And usually it is.

Until I walked into the local eatery to find a dozen or so people just standing there. No one was eating. They were just standing or sitting.

The man behind the counter promptly told me that they were "a little backed up" and that it would be TWENTY MINUTES before they could assist me. HUH??

TWENTY MINUTES?? I don't think I have ever spent twenty minutes in a fast food joint, with ALL 6 kids, lingering and all, EVER!!

And they were telling me it would be twenty minutes just to be served?? Why, even without training, I could probably bang out a dozen or so soft tacos myself (after years of careful observation of workers making them).

What could possibly take them that long?? At a fast food place?? And at a Taco Bell EXPRESS on top of it all??

I didn't ask. But I certainly didn't stick around like everyone else. Not to sound elitist or anything, but I had better things to do than sit around and wait for a fast food joint to get their act together. The tacos are good. But not THAT good. I have eaten at GOURMET Mexican restaurants that serve me in less time than that.

So I left. And I fumed in the car all the way home.

I don't care if the kitchen had a fire, if an employee lost a hairpiece in the guacamole, or if Jimmy Hoffa was found in the freezer.

You don't tell customers to wait twenty stinking minutes to be served. You turn your OPEN sign to the CLOSED position, apologize generously to the customers, and close your doors until you figure out what the problem is. And then you solve it as quickly as possible before your customers decide they like the hamburgers next door better than your tacos. On top of that, I personally would have given each customer a gift certificate to come back when the situation was remedied.

But instead, they let me and others walk out. Bad idea. Bad public relations. Bad business sense.

I looked the location up in the phone book. No listing. Then at the company's corporate website. Still no location.

I started feeling like I was in a junk food Twilight Zone. What if this location existed only in the confines of my imagination? What if I was in the Matrix? What if super intelligent bugs stuck probes in my brain and the whole thing never happened?

So I called the corporate customer service number and complained. The lady was very nice and patient in hearing my story. They got my address and are mailing me a coupon for a free menu item.

They handled it the way the franchise itself SHOULD have...with humility, apologies, and an attempt to keep my business.

My family and I love Taco Bell too much to never go there again. And it doesn't make sense to punish another franchise owner for the faults of another. But one thing is for sure, I will never, EVER go back to the one I went to last night. I don't care that the next closest one is twice as far. I would drive to another county before giving them another dime of my business.

Too bad I was one of the only ones to walk out and say enough is enough. It's because of all the customers that sat and waited that this sort of thing will just keep on happening.

It may seem silly to get worked up over a two dollar fast food meal. But it's bigger than that. It's not about a free certificate being mailed out tomorrow morning.

It's about being treated with respect, courtesy, and promptness. If a business isn't willing to grant you these things, there is always somebody else who will.

At least the corporate side of things figured that out.

If Perception Is Reality, Picture Only The Best!

2008-03-04T08:44:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about writing a "Motivational Monday" blog entry where I pump us all up with a nice sobering cup of inspiration. We all need that once in awhile. A lot of us need it everyday.

That's why I am writing this on a Tuesday. Why wait until next Monday to write something that might change your perspective for the best?

I read an interesting story on The Consumerist website (http://www.consumerist.com/) about an informal and unscientific study that probably concluded what a more extensive and expensive "official" study would: that we see and hear and taste what we PERCEIVE we are seeing, hearing, and tasting.

Specifically, a group of people listened to several CDs on a sound system. The speakers were hooked up to those super pricey "Monster Cables" and also cheap, common wire coat hangers! That's right. COAT HANGERS.

And guess what? Nobody could tell the difference between the two. In fact, no one knew that wire coat hangers were even being used!

So why do we insist that things sound better on more expensive cables? Well, I am sure that SOME of it has to do with the better quality of a product. There is no denying that a Ferrari will handle better around the hairpin turns than, say, a Honda. It doesn't mean the Honda is junk. It clearly isn't. But the Ferrari is a finer tooled machine, hands down.

So yes, Monster Cables are probably designed better than the cheapo $5 versions you can find at any electronics store.

But that doesn't mean the average person can tell the difference.

Hey, Spencer, you might be saying. How is this motivational?

It's because of the ever important lesson and truth that perception becomes your reality.

Doctors know this when they prescribe millions of placebos every year. Think about how powerful the human mind is! BELIEVING that a pill is going to help you has been proven to ACTUALLY help you, even if the pill has no medicinal value whatsoever!

Patients BELIEVE the pill is going to aid them in their pains and discomforts and maladies. And oftentimes, it DOES! That is REAL LIFE MAGIC. The magic of the human mind.

Remember the old advertisements that claimed "A mind is a terrible thing to waste"? Well, that is true. But even more true is this: Thoughts are a terrible thing to waste.

We have literally thousands of thoughts every day. And these thoughts can make or break our day. REALLY!

What are YOU thinking about right now?

Are you worrying about being late with the rent AGAIN?

Or that gas is darned near $4 a gallon and you could barely afford gas when it was $3 a gallon?

Are you thinking about that mountain of paperwork you keep bringing home because you never seem to have enough time to get your work done at the office?

Or maybe you are looking at your beautiful baby and already worrying about what colleges will cost in the year 2026.

Count how many times you worry in a day. Ever find yourself worrying about something and then you don't even remember what you were worrying ABOUT??

What a WASTE of thoughts!! Think of all the fantastic and positive and motivating and productive thoughts you COULD have had all day long!

People hear better quality music when using better quality cables MAINLY because--and this is just my theory based on common sense, experiments like the one above, and just day to day living--they EXPECT to hear better quality sound.

The same way my kids think the pizza tastes better if we order out rather than bake our own. I have found that generic pop tarts are just as yummy to them so long as they don't see the wrappers.

So if you are going to expect anything, why not expect the BEST! Why would you ever choose to anything less?

This method doesn't guarantee that everything will smell like roses for you. But thinking negatively almost NEVER produces positive results. How could it?

Just like the athlete pictures only success and victory, so should you. Any noteworthy athlete will tell you that they swung those golf clubs or baseball bats a thousand times in their mind's eye before they ever did it for real.

Picture everything today being Monster Cable quality and see if you don't have a better day than if you didn't.

Pythons, Mice, & Confessions

2008-02-28T09:40:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make.

A couple of years ago, I took our children's' pet mice, drove them out to a remote country field, and flung them out the window. Off they ran to greener pastures...to freedom.

The kids were told that their mice went off to be "city mice". The younger ones believed it. The older ones probably thought they went to that great big Swiss Cheese Factory In The Sky. But if word got to the little ones that I had driven the mice in the dead of night and tossed them out into a pasture, the scars would run deep.

The honest truth was that mice make horrible pets. Sorry, I said it. They are noisy, messy, and smelly. Sure, they are cute when they run laps on their wheels, but the cuteness of that is not as endearing as the acuteness of their stench.

Plus no one was paying much attention to them, except for our Ball Python (the kids called it a BALD Python in honor of me). So off I ran like a gangster in "Goodfellas", looking in my rear view mirror to make sure no one was following me.

The last thing I remember seeing was the fuzzy rear end of each mouse as I tossed them out the window into a pasture.

Let's fast forward to the latest stories about how the Burmese Python is going to spread out across America. It already has a foothold in southern Florida and is seeking to spread out across the greatest nation that has ever existed.

Lucky us.

These aren't the cute, smaller sized pythons like the Ball Python we own. These buggers can grow to be 20 long and weigh 250 pounds. They pose a threat to pets (ask the family in Australia that had the family dog get devoured by one) and children. And also "small people" in general. Gasp. That gives me the shivers. I am short by most standards.

The reason the Burmese Python is spreading out is because people have released them into the wild.

Just don't do that!! Please!

Sure, I am guilty of releasing a couple of mice into a remote field, but they will hardly pose a threat to small children or pets. They probably got eaten up (man, I am glad my youngest kids are just now learning to read) that same night by an owl. Or maybe by a Burmese Python that was also released in the area.

But...gasp...what if they didn't?? What if those cute, tiny mice mutated into something bigger, uglier, and meaner?? What if the Cloverfield monster that attacked humanity in the recent movie of the same name was actually the offspring of those two mice.

Oh Heavens. I could never live with that guilt on my shoulders.

The moral of this story and confession?

Don't release pythons into the wild.

And remember that mice make lousy pets.

How Will The Country Survive?

2008-02-26T08:50:00.000-08:00

Starbucks is closing all of its locations today. All 7,100 stores across America.

Did that just make you panic?? Admit it. You started reaching for the defibrillator, didn't you? The thought of a world without Starbucks made you rethink the very nature of the universe.

Well, they are closing today. But for only 3 hours. Bear in mind that 3 hours for most of us equates to 9 weeks for the hardcore coffee lovers out there. What on earth will they do when the doors close at 5:30pm local time today for THREE HOURS?

That's up to them. Maybe they can get their fix earlier or later in the day. The country should survive this. It might, anyway.

But why are those doors closing for so long? Because the "baristas" are being trained and
re-trained on the finer points of customer service and coffee production. It's all part of the Seattle based company's refocusing on the customer experience.

Don't get me wrong. I love a good Frappuccino on a hot day. Heck, I drank one the other day and it was 40 degrees outside. They are tasty, yes.

But let's stop this whole nonsense that making the drinks is somehow analogous to building a dining room set or cracking enemy codes.

It isn't. I used to make many coffee beverages when I was in high school working at a movie theater. Some drinks were trickier than others, maybe, but none of it was rocket science. And giving someone the title of "barista" is frankly ludicrous.

You make coffee!! Not that it's a bad thing. Millions of people would sink into the sea without their daily cup of caffeine. But let's not make it fancy and all!

Why is making a coffee drink at Starbucks any more difficult for the server to make than a taco is for the server at Taco Bell? It isn't. You have the recipes in front of you or memorized and it's the same drink over and over and over again. Sure, people throw you for a loop and ask for customized drinks. But still. It's not curing cancer.

You don't see the guy at Burger King with a tip jar, do you? Why not? Isn't he worthy as well? That's another thing that makes me crazy. You nuke a breakfast sandwich for me, pour coffee into a cup, and then hit me with a huge tip jar at the drive in window?

I don't think so.

I'm glad I got that off my chest. Now go run off to Starbucks. You've been warned. Three hours is a long time to go without a designer cup of coffee. But remember. Just breathe, count to 10, and know that all will turn out alright.

The New Color of Money

2008-02-21T08:43:00.000-08:00

Doesn't it seem like they keep redesigning our American currency every five seconds? Even before some vending machines have learned to accept the new bills, NEWER bills are unveiled.

I hate this. Leave my money alone! Well, it really isn't mine, is it. It's not yours, either. Truth is the government can keep dumbing down and making our money ugly and there's not much we can do about it.

But we can blog about it! We don't have to take it sitting down!

The new $5 bill makes its debut this month, and it's as dumb and as ugly as ever. Luckily, Lincoln is still the face on the bill. But it's riddled with yellow dots that upon close inspection reveal miniature numbers. There are various watermarks that THIS time will stop counterfeiters, right??

But the ugliest and distressing part of the new $5 bill is on the back. The bottom right hand corner has a number 5 that is bigger than the other three corners. It's also in a cheap looking font. And it's...gasp...PURPLE. Yes, the number 5 in the bottom right corner is PURPLE.

You see, it makes it easier to tell what bill it is when you are fanning through your money. It's sad that we have gone from identifying bills at a glance based on the statesmen who adorn the once elegant currency. Now you don't need to remember that Lincoln in on the $5 bill. Just look in the corner and let the purple number 5 help you set it apart!

It's official. American currency now looks like SpongeBob Monopoly money. Fan through your wallet pretty soon and it will look like you just raided the Bank of Parker Brothers.

Watch and see. This won't be the last redesign. The counterfeiters will outsmart the Feds as they always do and pretty soon our money will be pink, plastic, and the size of a stamp.

Wonder how Honest Abe will look in pink.

Whatever Happened To Class?

2008-02-20T08:58:00.000-08:00

Here we go again. Another person does something stupid and irresponsible and tasteless and then turns it around and tries to make it out to be a civil rights violation against THEM.

A man in the Sacramento suburb of Elk Grove got in trouble with California Family Fitness for wearing a shirt that most people with class would consider inappropriate. It read: "I Need A Man Or A Date...Serious Inquiries Only" and then included a phone number.

But it was just a gag! Get it?? What happened to your sense of humor! That's FUNNY!

No, it's not. It's dumb. It's tasteless. And it is totally inappropriate for ANY gym, especially one that caters to FAMILIES.

Gyms are supposed to be places where people go to work out and train their bodies and minds, not meat markets of the tackiest order. Want to find companionship? Put out a classified ad in the local paper.

Now the patron, David Cano, is saying his rights have been violated. That they only cried foul because he is a gay male and the gym is bigoted towards gay men.

HOGWASH.

He claims that if a woman wore the same shirt, men wouldn't have a problem with it. Maybe some men wouldn't. But I think most would. And I think ALL FEMALE clients defintely would.

It has NOTHING to do with gay bashing or discrimination of any sort. It has to do with something a growing number of Americans know nothing about today--CLASS.

Remember CLASS? Your grandparents had it. Maybe even your parents. But this generation is CLUELESS about it.

Now the ACLU is weighing in and saying that if the gym chain didn't have specific rules against that specific kind of shirt, it might be hard for them to stand by their case.

HUH??

They need SPECIFIC LANGUAGE?? Did older generations NEED to be told not to wear such filth and idiocy on their persons?

I hope this man loses his case. And I hope his loss humiliates not only him but the countless others just waiting to make a Federal case out of NOTHING. This guy ought to talk to people who have truly had their civil rights infringed upon. I don't think they will take too kindly to his cries of injustice.

I am glad the gym did the right thing. I only hope now they aren't punished for it.

Two More Reasons I Feel Old

2008-02-15T06:50:00.000-08:00

In case you haven't heard, an updated version of the 1980's "Knight Rider" series is debuting this weekend as a two hour movie. I was hoping the earliest rumors were false, but lo and behold we have another "Re-tread in the Age of No New Ideas" on our hands.

I was a kid in grammar school when the original series starring David Hasselhoff was all the rage on television. Every kid (and maybe some adults, I'm sure) dreamed of having their very own talking black Trans Am that could drive itself and talk to you and enage its Turbo Boost if you needed to make up a few extra minutes by jumping a train.

I remember seeing one of the actual cars from the series on a family trip to Universal Studios. Way back in the days when DeLoreans made good time machines.

Well, the Turbo Boost feature is gone (bad for the ozone maybe?) and KITT is now a black Ford Mustang (no hip youth of today even knows what a Trans Am is). And KITT stands for Knight Industries THREE Thousand. Hey! When I was a kid, it stood for Knight Industries TWO Thousand.

But that's because I am old. Look at me. Sitting here in my pajamas blogging about a television show that is more than a quarter of a century old now. OUCH. That hurt just to say it!

Why remake "Knight Rider" anyway? Why not come up with a NEW idea?? Hey, here's one they could have used during the writer's strike.

A futuristic Prius that not only gets 500 miles to the gallon, but drives by itself, too! It could have the little red light bobbing back and forth as it silently cruises the highways looking for soccer moms driving alone in 9-miles to the gallon SUVs. Then it could fire Vegan bullets at the tires and drive them off the road! Yay!! Instead of chasing after petty thiefs and white collar criminals, the new Veggie Delight Rider could nab people with too many children or those who refuse to reuse their towels day after day in hotels!

Now THERE'S some entertainment! And original, too!

And now my second latest reason for feeling old...

Polaroid has announced it will discontinue production of its instand film. The company already stopped making their cameras over the last couple of years.

Man, remember Polaroids??

If you are a kid today, you probably think that's something Barry Bonds took before all of those home runs.

No, Polaroids were revolutionary cameras that let you develop your pictures almost instantly. The first models actually came out in the 1940s, but I remember the one my father had in the 70s and 80s. Remember? With the big red button? All you had to do was point, snap, and shake the picture the camera spit out and there you had it. A photograph!!

Today's kids are raised on even more instant gratification. Digital cameras. Polaroids today seem like a cheap movie prop where you can see the strings holding it up. But they were so much fun in the day. I might have to buy one on e-Bay and create a stockpile of film before it's too late.

Someday I can whip them out and show my grandkids what Polaroids were, along with shadow puppets and imagination.

Guess who else must be feeling old? Actor Val Kilmer. He went from being Batman and Doc Holliday and a big shot star to voicing the new KITT in "Knight Rider".

We both must be wondering where all those lines on our faces came from.

Where's Turbo Boost when you need it?

Have a Happy Un-Valentine's Day!

2008-02-12T09:18:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day is a couple days away. OH NO! What on earth are you going to do??

Well, if you are the average man, you will spend $163.37 on your Sweetie. Ladies, you being the more sensible sex, will spend $84.72 on your Pookie Pie.

That's a LOT of money, isn't it?? On cards, candy, and flowers?? Dinner out??

I used to fall into that trap. Spending loads of money I didn't have just because Hallmark and friends convinced me that this was one of the only ways to celebrate love.

Now that I am older, I see the true scam that it is!! For adults, anyway. I think it is a staple of childhood for youngsters to write each other Valentine's Day cards with candy hearts attached. I can still remember how special that made me feel growing up. My face would turn various shades of crimson everytime I opened them up. Especially the ones from the girls.

So let the kids celebrate Valentine's with each other. It is a cute and worthwhile ritual of youth. But why on earth would a level headed adult spend 4 times as much on a dozen roses Thursday than they would today?? Why would you want to eat dinner in a crowded restaurant eating an overly priced dinner when you can take your Sweetie out TONIGHT and save money, time, and stress?

Valentine's Day is JUST A DAY ON THE CALENDAR!

Luckily, my Better Half agrees. In fact, she is the one who convinced me that we should just do what we always do--love and cherish each other EVERY DAY!

The same way you shouldn't cherish your parents only on Mother's Day and Father's Day, you shouldn't cherish your Snuggle Bear in mid February just because the commercials are telling you to.

The better way to go is to love your Snickerdoodle each day more than the last. To shower them with niceties and flowers and dinners and sunsets and songs when it is heartfelt and not a vibrating reminder on your Blackberry.

So stop calling every restaurant in town trying to find a last minute reservation and have a very happy UN-Valentine's Day this year. And take the money you WOULD have spent on each other and put it towards a vacation or dinner or night out when the crowds are thin and the love is ripe.

Ah yes. Love is grand. But that doesn't mean it has to COST a grand.

Spencer's Diet - So Far, So Good

2008-02-11T08:47:00.000-08:00

I have been on my new "diet" for a couple of weeks now. I may be down only 4 or 5 pounds, but it's the attitude adjustment that has made the biggest difference so far.

I can actually take the kids to McDonald's and order an Asian Salad with no dressing. Just this weekend, we went to Carl's Jr. and I ordered a side salad with salsa as the only topping. When would I EVER have done that?

Well, it's all the time now.

For the first time in forever, I don't crave junk food and sweets. It's not a part of me anymore. because it is counterproductive to my weight loss and health goals.

So whether you are on a diet or planning to run a marathon or get a promotion at work, ask yourself every step of the way: "Are my actions right now leading me closer or further away from my goal?" And if the answer is anything other than CLOSER, you have to change the action.
You wouldn't feed a championship pure bred dog the junkiest dogfood or let it eat pizza scraps under the table.

Why would you do it to yourself? Physically or mentally?

You are the greatest champion that has ever been. Start treating yourself that way, from the inside out.

They Grow Up So Fast

2008-02-06T06:08:00.000-08:00

My Better Half and I have noticed a very interesting phenomenon. Whenever we are out and about with only our 3-month old daughter, people are so quick to offer advice to us seemingly first time parents!

How could they know that we have six children between us and that we are old pros at this "raising kids" thing??

It happened again last night. I was doing some late night shopping and a man saw my daughter in the shopping cart as he packed his own car and said "Wow. I remember when mine were that little. And NOW look at them! They grow up so fast! You watch and see!"

I then said politely, but eagerly awaiting his gasp of amazement and horror with almost sinister glee, "Oh, I know. This is our SIXTH child between us. Our oldest is 11-years-old.

And yes, he DID gasp with amazement and horror. SIX children?!?!

It's funny because we just moved from one of the most liberal cities in America where telling people you had so many kids (and back then we had FIVE) was tantamount to taking a butcher knife and ripping the ozone in half with your own bare hands. We were called "breeders" behind our backs by the enlightened socialists of the Bay Area.

We are now living in a much more family friendly environment, but the amazement continues.

Oftentimes the response is something like "I can't even manage TWO children" or "I can't imagine being able to handle so many" or "Congratulations on being able to juggle so much!"

The truth is I can't juggle my checkbook and my car keys at the same time. But somehow, we manage just fine with our very own Brady Bunch.

It's honestly not as scary as you might think that it is and nowhere near as difficult as even I thought it would be. Somehow you just figure out a way to do it! Like most things in life, it just kind of takes care of itself.

But inbetween the shuffling off to basketball practice or a karate tournament and making dinner for 8, remember to enjoy them while they are young.

They grow up so fast.

But you probably already knew that.

A Serendipitous Slowdown

2008-02-04T06:34:00.000-08:00

Nobody really LIKES traffic. We all have varying degrees of tolerance, perhaps, but I don't think anyone ever sets off in their vehicle in hopes of dancing the Bumper to Bumper with other drivers.

But there is no denying that traffic and other delays sometimes work in our favor.

Haven't you ever just missed a traffic accident by MOMENTS? And yet you cursed the guy who cut you off as you tried to pull out of the parking lot. But if he HADN'T cut you off, slowing you down by seconds, YOU might have been the person on the side of the road waiting for an ambulance.

Or have you ever stepped into a business and JUST missed someone you really didn't want to run into? You see that old acquaintance or chatty neighbor JUST go through the exit as you get really to waltz IN. Pretty cool how that happens.

I think Margaret Penn of Springfield, Virginia, will probably never complain about traffic again.

She was on her way home and wanting to pit stop at a 7-Eleven to buy a lottery ticket. But people were rude (what a shock!) and wouldn't let her into her turn lane.

So she continued down the road and finally pulled into her usual spot for lottery tickets--another 7-Eleven.

She bought a few tickets and then gambled the $5 she had left on scratchers that ended up winning her ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS A WEEK FOR LIFE!

Nice!! I wish all idiotic drivers would lead ME to such fortune!

Penn said she and her husband, married since 1964, have never really been on a vacation before. They never even have a Honeymoon.

They are already making plans to hit the road and enjoy themselves.

Good for them.

Next time you are in traffic, tune in Fox Newstalk, take a deep breath, and think about the positives that might come out of it. Your temporary delays and irritations on the road could lead to that winning ticket.

The Two Tailed Siren Has Made Me Sad

2008-02-01T06:17:00.000-08:00

It's just my luck. Whenever a restaurant or business has a dish or a service that I really, really like--they get rid of it.

I sometimes still find myself ordering Taco Bell (well, not lately since I am on the second week of my healthier eating lifestyle) ordering a menu item only to hear back on the drive-thru intercom "Sir? We haven't had that dish since 2004." Ooops. My mistake.

And now America's favorite, Starbucks, has announced its decision to remove its incredibly delicious warm breakfast sandwiches.

Cry.

They were SO good. Ever have one? Of course not. You were probably stuffing your mouth (as I used to) with a lesser version at your favorite fast food joint.

I will miss these little delicacies and their short shelf life. I understand the company has to do what it has to do. I just wish they didn't have to get rid of the bacon in order to rake in the bacon.

The company also announced it is closing 100 of the most underperforming stores in America. Doesn't that sound like an oxymoron? An UNDERPERFORMING Starbucks? What is THAT?? A location where there are only, say, 12 cars in line for coffee at any given time??

They will also be slowing down the rate for opening new stores domestically. This is good.

We just moved to a newly developed area and the main boulevard, which isn't more than a few miles long, has at least 3 locations. That's too many of anything.

Remember the scene in "Shrek 2" when everyone is panicking and running out of buildings and onto the streets? If you blinked you might have missed the scene in which characters run out of a Starbucks and run right into ANOTHER Starbucks. Pretty funny observation. And so true.

Hey, maybe I will ask Shrek himself where a fellow ogre can find himself breakfast sandwiches on the go that are as tasty as the dearly departed Starbucks ones.

Nice Doggie!

2008-01-30T08:39:00.000-08:00

I don't like pit bulls. I just don't. There, I said it. AGAIN.

Of all the breeds of dog out there, it has always baffled me why someone would want a pit bull.

But when you combine pit bulls with small children, it is--in my opinion--a recipe for disaster. Regardless of its breed, however, once an animal maliciously bites a human it should be put down. I don't care if it's a chihuahua or a St. Bernard.

"Oh but the dog was so peaceful before she ripped my arm off!" or "It never hurt a flea until it killed Mrs. Davidson next door!" is what we usually hear from the seemingly baffled owners of dogs that attack.

I have seen my fair share of maddening "My dog isn't awful for mauling them" stories, but I think the following one out of Australia beats them all by a long shot.

Imagine having your two-year-old child attacked by the family dog. Imagine your little one's face chewed up. Imagine your child covered in blood and screaming for his life. Imagine being told that you are lucky that your child didn't lose his vision from such an attack.

Feel these emotions for a second. Is your heart beating? Are you filled with panic, rage, and visions of taking the dog out back?

Okay. Now imagine blaming the CHILD for the incident and vowing to keep the dog on top of that! Does this match the feelings you had a moment ago? Me neither.

But that's what Alicia Cottier has done.

According to this Mother of the Year, it's the toddler's fault for playing with the doggie's ears and ticking it off.

After all, she DID warn Noah to stop doing it or Cassey might get mad! Apparently the dog usually just walks away when annoyed. But not this time. "This time she snapped at him and has bitten him on the face," Cottier remarks.

Authorities insist the child is lucky to be in such good shape, considering the size of the mastiff-staffordshire cross.

"It's not like the dog picked him up and shook him or anything, she just snapped at him for pulling on her ears," Cottier says.

What she left out is that the "snap" has probably left her son disfigured for the rest of his life.

Paramedics from the rescue helicopter called Noah "the luckiest boy alive". I disagree.

I think the luckiest boy alive would have a mom who cared for him more than a mongrel of a dog. The luckiest boy alive wouldn't have been covered in blood, screaming for his life, and airlifted to a hospital to save his life.

Of course, what the paramedics meant was that he was lucky to BE alive. And they are right.

Let's just hope dear, darling Cassey doesn't "snap" again. Maybe this two-year-old has learned his lesson. Because his mother clearly hasn't.

Things are a little different in Australia. No charges are being filed because the incident happened at the family's home. Nice! So if daddy wants to beat the tar out of mommy, is it okay because it happened at the family's home? Incest? Molestation? Rape? Police don't have jurisdiction in family homes?

In a sane world, this child would be removed from the home. Not because the dog attacked him. But because of his mother's lax attitude about the attack. In America, it's called failure to protect. Kids are removed from homes in California (my home) for far less serious things all the time.

There should be no choice about the dog's fate, either. It should be immediately put down. No questions asked.

Hey, in case Noah's mom is reading this, I have a great idea for a Christmas gift for Cassey this year. A dingo!! It's a much more suitable playmate than a two-year-old boy.

Just don't pull its ears, mommy!

Wait...on second thought...

Reminder To Self: Three Years Left To Be Happy

2008-01-29T08:35:00.000-08:00

I am going to be miserable three years from Friday. Statistically speaking, that is.

You see, I turn 37 on Friday and a new, supposedly comprehensive, study finds that depression comes down on people in their 40s like a sledgehammer.

So I only have three years of happiness left.

When I am 40, it's not going to matter that I love my family, job, country, God, and Nintendo DS. I am doomed to misery. I won't enjoy sunsets and sushi anymore. Long walks with the kids and trips to Disneyland are just going to stink because of my age.

If I had known this study was going to come out, I would have enjoyed my youth more. According to the people who conducted this study, people in their 40s get depressed because many people realize they haven't achieved their biggest aspirations in life...and their friends begin to drop like flies! I'm not making this stuff up! (Though I question the validity of studies like this.)

But I'm not going to let middle-age get me down. The researchers claim there is a light at the end of the long, dark tunnel of being forty-something.

The study claims that you snap out of the depression in your 50s and if you make it into your 70s physically fit, you are going to feel as good as a 20-year-old!

And now if you'll excuse me, I am off to conduct a study of my own. I want to know if the fuzz on the strawberries in my refrigerator will affect the taste of my smoothies.

Seriously, why do people pay attention to this stuff! Life is what you make of it, not what some study says it should be.

All the great philosophers were right--ultimately you are as happy as you make yourself out to be. Studies like this do more damage than good, in my opinion, because they plant the seed of defeat.

And that is all it takes for some people to get depressed about their lives.

Look forward to your life, whether you're a child, a teen, middle aged, or a senior citizen. Why? Because you can find the good in your life outweighs the bad.

If you only open your eyes.

This is my favorite quote by Jack London and something I like to live by. I hope it inspires you half as much as it inspires me.

“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”

The Blog from 20,000 Fathoms

2008-01-23T08:47:00.000-08:00

I finally gave in to my curiosity and checked out the hyped up monster movie Cloverfield last night.

WOW. And that is not an exaggeration. I haven't seen a movie that gripping in a very long time. Congrats to producer J.J. Abrams and director Matt Reeves for an amazing picture that takes us back to the days of The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms and It Came From Beneath the Sea and other classics from special effects pioneer Ray Harryhausen.

In fact, this movie is what you get if you were to combine The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms, King Kong, Blair Witch Project, and the television show Friends and stick it all in a blender and press ICE CRUSHER . Luckily it has more King Kong than it does Friends, but my analogy is still close.

The film starts out in a Manhattan loft packed with twenty-somethings sending off a friend to Japan for a new job. (I kept grinning every time Japan was mentioned or referenced because I couldn't help but remember Godzilla hailed from Japan!)

Soon, the earth begins to violently shake and the breaking news reports an earthquake has hit near the harbor and capsized a ship.

The realism of everyone's reactions is intensified as everyone starts running for the street, some whispering to each other "Do you think this is another attack?"--an obvious reference to 9/11.

We soon find out it isn't an earthquake. Nor is it a terrorist plot. The enemy is not human at all, and possibly not even of this earth. A giant creature has surfaced and destroys skyscrapers as easily as a child knocks down toy blocks.

What impressed me the most about the film was the stark realism that the handheld camera delivers. In fact, the whole movie is told from the video camera's point of view because the original intention of the filming was to chronicle the main character's bon voyage and the good wishes from his family and friends. But once the camera is rolling, why not keep it rolling and capture this cataclysmic event? As the character who carries the camera through most of the film states, "People are going to want to see this. They are going to want to see how it all went down."

That comment sent chills up my spine. It really did feel like the audience was sharing in this eye witness account of the destruction of New York City, if not humanity itself. We have the sinking feeling that this really IS the end. What hope is there when the military's best personnel and hardware can't make a dent in their attacks on the creature? More hopelessness falls on us as a
commanding officer says "Whatever it is, it's winning!"

The special effects are simply stunning and it is hard to believe that such impressive work was accomplished with an alleged $25 million budget. I grew up watching monster movies and disaster flicks. Even some of the newest and best always had a sense of being too "fake" for my taste. Not so with Cloverfield. It's mind boggling to watch because you swear you are witnessing the destruction of the Brooklyn Bridge and the complete annihilation of Central Park. The danger, the angst, the suspense, the horror--all of it seems real and my heart was still racing even on the drive home.

Once the action starts, it doesn't let go. It is relentless and unforgiving. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. The pretty people don't emerge unscathed. There isn't a neat, perfectly tied up ending in under 90 minutes.

It was maddening to me that so many people in the theater didn't "get" the ending, or much of the movie for that matter. Some bolted out threatening demands of a refund. That they had been "ripped off" by the "stupid" ending. It just proved to me how conditioned so many movie patrons have become by the typical Hollywood cliches. Movies aren't SUPPOSED to end this way.

By the way, there is even a mystique surrounding where the title of the film comes from. The opening screen references "U.S. Designate Project Cloverfield" in the same vein as the "Manhattan Project" or other military endeavors. "Cloverfield" is also the name of a street not far from the production company's offices in Southern California. Some say it was the codename for the film so that details of the plot would not leak out.

Either way, the title of the film is very much like the ending of the movie. Some things are better left to the imagination.

We don't need to know what zip code the creature comes from or what its favorite hobbies are or why it's so ticked off at humanity for the film to grab us by the throats and never let go.

I can't wait to see this movie again and to buy the DVD so I can see how they pulled off this amazing film. And I don't say that about too many movies these days.

I'm In The Wrong Business

2008-01-21T08:12:00.000-08:00

Don't underestimate for one moment the power and earning potential of those in the business of making pets out to be people.

What a racket that is! Look at all the products aimed at dogs--from seat belts and clothing lines to Prozac and pictures with Santa--that imply they really aren't so different from us.

Now we have a couple that has developed a CD full of songs for Fido. It's actually called "Songs To Make Dogs Happy"!

A walk in the park and a sniff of a lamp post is all the fun MY dog needs. A rubber toy filled with peanut butter can provide HOURS of entertainment.

But a CD?? For DOGS??

I refuse to buy her this, no matter how well she behaves!

I do remember one of my earliest moments messing with an animal's mind. I would bring the neighbor's dog, which they had virtually left for us to take care of, into my room as a kid and play the song "Dogs" from Pink Floyd's 1977 "Animals" album. Although the album is a metaphor to categorize people as either dogs, pigs, or sheep, the song "Dogs" has an instrumental part that has a dog barking in it.

Man, would that play with the doggie's head! HAHA. It would look around and try to see where the other darned dog was! Needless to say, I was an only child with ample ways of keeping myself entertained.

But could it really be that there are songs that you can play for your dog that will soothe man's best friend? COME ON! My dog will fall asleep, scratch itself, bark, whine, or wag it's tail whether I am listening to Elton John or John Gibson. It doesn't matter. It doesn't care.

Why?

Because...it...is...a...DOG!

I'm in the wrong business. Watch. I am going to pioneer a satellite radio channel FOR pets. Not ABOUT pets...FOR pets.

It will be called the Million Dollar Racket Channel!

And maybe, just maybe, you or someone you know will stay glued to it all day long.

Let me know if your pooch likes it, OK?

But if your dog is like mine, she'd rather be a "Brian & The Judge" fan anyway.

Dear Mr. No Manners

2008-01-18T09:03:00.000-08:00

This is an open letter to a rude father at my sons' elementary school.

Dear Mr. No Manners:

Perhaps it escaped your attention this morning that you almost took my car out in the school "loop" this morning. Was it worth almost causing an accident to get a whole car length ahead of me?

What was your hurry?

Since your Momma clearly didn't teach you manners, maybe you should pay attention to the weekly reminder sent out by the school principal that reminds people like YOU the rules of etiquette when dropping off and picking up your small children. (Hey! There is another reason to not drive like a jerk--small children are EVERYWHERE!)

For just one second, I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you didn't see that you were three cars BEHIND me in the line when we dropped our kids off. While I maintained my place in the line, YOU had some reason that you felt was valid enough to take the right of way and cut in front of the two cars behind me. But don't pretend that when you tried to do the same to me that you didn't see ME looking at you.

I could tell by the stony look on your face that you could FEEL my eyes boring into the side of your head. We didn't NEED to make eye contact for you to know you were being a jerk.

Do you just not realize that you are going to see me REPEATEDLY for the next several years while our children are in school together?? A community in only as strong as its weakest link and YOU, Sir, are IT.

Why would you want to foster this kind of hostility among such a small group of people. Don't we all have the same objective here? Aren't we raising our children to follow the examples WE set?

My children are learning to be courteous, considerate, and to understand that they don't always come first.

What message is YOUR child getting from you? Probably the same message you got from YOUR mom.

I implore you to break the cycle.

Realize that you are not the center of the elementary school universe. Other parents, like me, have days that WE need to get back to and jobs WE need to do, yet are still able to maintain an air of civility when interacting with each other.

So I guess I'll be seeing you at the upcoming school events. I'll be the guy who smiles at you in line. I am probably not the only person who has taken offense by your lack of consideration, so I guess you are going to just have to wonder which one of us I am.

Sincerely,

Spencer Hughes
Soccer Mom in the green Honda

Dumb Dog Moment #185

2008-01-17T09:42:00.000-08:00

I don't know whether I should feel sorry for my doggie JoJo or shove her into a crate with a one way ticket to Timbuktu.

She is so sweet. All she wants is to be loved. At least by people she KNOWS.

You see, our JoJo has a recognition problem. It doesn't seem to be her eyesight since she can catch the trickiest peanut butter snack thrown to her and take it all the way to the end zone.

I think her problems resemble more of the kind we have seen on AMERICAN IDOL this week.

Case in point. If I come into the house wearing a baseball cap, for example, JoJo will cease to recognize her master. It's as if I become an entirely different person to her. Never mind that I sound the same, look the same, and smell the same. She doesn't buy it. Not for one moment.

So she growls and howls and acts all tough while she wets the floor. Does she think we don't notice that??

But here is the really odd part that qualifies this as a Dumb Dog Moment.

If I wear my Tony Clifton outfit (complete with wig, mustache, sideburns, and dark glasses) she doesn't even bark. Not even a whimper. Not the least bit of a hint of a growl.

In fact, she licks my hand and wags her tail.

So...baseball cap...does not compute.

Crazy costume with crazy altered voice to go with it...licks and kisses.

Can anyone explain this one? Is the Dog Whisperer reading this? Anyone?

And now if you'll excuse me, I am going to pop into my Superman tights and head to the studio. Let's see if she barks.

P.S. She didn't bark. Maybe she only reacts when I wear the Wonder Woman duds.

Recovery

2008-01-15T08:56:00.001-08:00

I had a vasectomy yesterday after the show. Not the usual way I like to spend my post-show time. Usually a burger and fries on the way home is about all the excitement I can take.

But it was something that needed to be done since we are already blessed with the Brady Bunch.

Thank God the procedure has come such a long way. They don't even need to use scalpels anymore. As with most things, the anticipation was greater and longer and emotional than the actual event.

I'm the kind of wimp who needs nitrous oxide to get my teeth cleaned, so I cringed when the doctor said all he would give me was ONE Valium and numbing medicine topically.

ONE VALIUM?? For all my ANXIETY?!?! And only 10 mg??

Thank God it was only 10. I was flying high after 20 minutes. As we waited in the reception area, everything was funny to me.

"I'm REALLY nervous about this," I told my Better Half. Followed by a quick: "JUST KIDDING!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Nope. I was feeling no pain. 10 mg DID do the job.

The procedure itself took maybe 15 minutes or so. And I admit it was probably the strangest, most uncomfortable thing I can ever remember doing. There's just something strange about being fully awake and hearing and feeling (pressure, not pain, although it's not fun to get SHOTS in certain parts of your body) things being done to you...KNOWING what they are doing to you.

The doctor was a genius at what he does. It was NOTHING to him! It looked like he was an ace mechanic tinkering with a car and fine tuning everything. And the nurse at his side was not only professional, but extremely patient with me and all of my phone calls prior to the procedure. They both deserve medals.

I kept reaching for my iPod when things were getting a little intense for me, but the Valium had my muscles so relaxed, I was too lazy to reach for it (even though it rested on my chest!). Oh well. I don't know if I really would have wanted to taint a song for life like that. Hey! That's the song I heard when I was getting the 'ol Snip Snip!

No, thanks.

So now it's finally over.

All I mainly ever heard over the years were the HORROR stories. Let me tell you this, especially if you are a male reader/listener thinking of getting it done--GET IT DONE! If you are ABSOLUTELY SURE you won't have any regrets, and you know you are done with your family making super powers, get it done! Like most things in life, it wasn't nearly as bad as I had heard and imagined it would be.

The doctor was a little concerned that I didn't take any time off from work. I love what I do too much to miss any more time than I need to. I'll try not to get too worked up with the callers, that's all. At least until tomorrow. Then the ice is off and so are the gloves!

And now if you'll excuse me. There are Spider-Man boo-boo ice packs waiting to be frozen in time for today's show.

P.S. Try to not run over the speed bumps at your child's school at 15 miles per hour the day after a vasectomy. Words to...ouch...live by!!

OUCH!

2008-01-14T09:15:00.000-08:00

I am scared to death right now.

Today after the show, I am having a...GASP...vasectomy. It's hard to even say it without cringing and making that face you make when you suck on a lemon or hear nails on a chalkboard.

No need to dwell on it too much.

At least medical science has advanced to the point where they don't even need to use a scalpel. Next thing you know we will get medical checkups over the internet.

Wish me luck.

And be sure to be extra nice to me on tomorrow's show.

If you'll excuse me, I have an icetray to fill and an iPod playlist to create. I have the feeling that Bryan Adams' CUTS LIKE A KNIFE won't be included.

The End of Time

2008-01-11T08:51:00.000-08:00

The other day I bought a cheap new digital watch at Target and had to set the correct time. So what did I do?

I did what I, and generations of fellow Californians, had done forever.

I dialed POPCORN.

Huh? What is that, you ask. It was a number you dialed...POPCORN...or 767-2676...to get the EXACT time according to the atomic clock. It was a lifesaver after blackouts or when you had to make sure the microwave was keeping good time.

The cool thing about the number, especially when you were a kid, was that you didn't really HAVE to dial POPCORN. The service worked if you dialed 767 and any four numbers. You didn't even have to dial a prefix. It worked from wherever you called.

And who could forget the lady's voice who told you the time. She sounded like June Cleaver and it was almost like listening to a live person since she always said good morning, good afternoon, or good evening to you. She had more manners in that single recording than today's society has in a week.

Joanne Daniels was the woman whose voice was heard for almost the past three decades of the service (which AT&T had offered since the 1920s!). It sounded so fluid because it WAS...she had to record EVERY SINGLE possibility. Today, voice menus sound so stiff because the voice actor just has their voice spliced a thousand different ways in order to make a complete sentence. At the end of giving you the time, she would say "Please make a note of it."

But to my recent dismay, the familiar voice of the "Time Lady" was no longer heard. I found that it was silenced forever last September. A sign of the times. AT&T claimed it just wasn't a needed service anymore. (Since it's demise, 300,000 new telephone numbers will be made available...cha-ching.)

So my watch still doesn't have the exact time on it. And it will make me feel a little empty, in a nostalgic way, every time the power goes out or the clock in the car needs resetting.

Because the Time Lady is no more.

Maybe her voice is in a warehouse somewhere along with cheap gas, metal jungle gyms, phone booths, lunch pails, and rotary phones.

It makes me kind of sad. It makes me feel old.

Please make a note of it.

Even Spider-Man Can't Make His Marriage Last

2008-01-10T06:35:00.001-08:00

It's hard to believe that is has been 21 years since I purchased the comic book in which Spider-Man (A.K.A. Peter Parker) married his girlfriend Mary Jane Watson.

Fans who only know the relationship from the movies will remember that Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst played the characters on the big screen.

Maguire was only 12 years old when the comic book Spidey tied the knot.

And now, the knot is unraveling. Disappearing, actually. It's the latest hairbrained plot to keep comic book fans on their toes.

It turns out that one of Spider-Man's longtime enemies, Mephisto, makes him a bargain he cannot refuse. In order to save his Aunt May's life, he must erase any and all traces of Spider-Man's marriage to the love of his life.

That's right. The Web Head is single again. Ladies rejoice.

Why do writers do stuff like this? They have even killed off SUPERMAN himself in the past, only to quickly bring him back from the dead when they realized what a dumb thing they can done. Recently they killed Captain America, only to bring him back as well in a new form.

So it's not exactly the story of a superhero getting divorced. But it's a sad day for Spider-Man fans when one of the genre's sweetest romances goes back to page one--as if it never happened at all.

Cut my heart out now. Why not just tell me that LOVE STORY was all a dream sequence? Or that Humphrey Bogart was gay while traveling KEY LARGO with Lauren Bacall? Or that no one lives happily ever after?

Not even nerdy photographers who get bit by radioactive spiders.

Customer Service Nightmare #2,591

2008-01-09T06:47:00.000-08:00

If only our borders were as secure as accessing a cell phone account.

We noticed a huge mistake on our cell phone bill this week and called customer service to get to the bottom of it.

"Pin number, please?" the barely intelligible voice on the other end said.

We gave it to him. Nope. Wrong number. Sorry!

"The street you grew up on?" was the next question.

We told him that, too.

"Nope!"

"Nope??"

You mean, somehow my Better Half FORGOT the street she grew up on?? She even tried the SECOND street she grew up on, in case by some fluke she had given that one instead.

NOPE, NOPE, NOPE!! Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!!

The blood was more than boiling at this point. You see, the agent wouldn't explain the error on our bill until we could prove we were who we said we were. We were willing to give Social Security numbers, our address, etc. But NO! How could we get any further if we didn't know the street on which we grew up! We were CLEARLY impostors!!

Cutting to the chase--the dolt on the phone didn't enter "Street" after our answer. HUH?? Are you KIDDING ME?? Are you telling me that is doesn't show him the magic answer to the secret question unless he INPUTS it? I don't believe it for a second!

He actually read us BACK the correct answer. And it matched OURS. So obviously he had the street name in front of him the whole time. Unless he typed "Lane", "Avenue", etc. which it does not appear he had the mental capabilities of doing anyway.

Oh, and by the way, our password WAS correct. He was just reading the number wrong.

I took the phone at this point and demanded to speak to a higher power. I complained to the supervisor, who wasn't any better at communicating in the English language than her agent was. I told her that the guy helping us was a dolt and I couldn't understand how they could allow such people (let alone PAY THEM) to waste a customer's day like that. We spent easily one hour of our day on something that should have taken 10 minutes TOPS.

All I got was the standard, cue card answer..."We're so sorry...blah, blah, blah, blah."

Same old junk.

Maybe they should hire that guy to man security at the big city airports! He wouldn't let anyone in!!

"We need a password to get into America? HUH??"

"What do you MEAN I don't know my mother's maiden name??"

Once Michael Chertoff puts Sherlock on the payroll, maybe my cell phone provider can replace him with someone who speaks English and has half a brain. Just half. That's all I'm asking for here. I know not to set my sights too high.

You have to be realistic, after all.

Thanks a Latte

2008-01-08T09:08:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make.

I like McDonald's iced coffee. Hazelnut is my favorite, now that my soul is on my sleeve.

Why should I feel ashamed? The first time I ordered it I felt like a teenager trying to sneak a dirty magazine past the cashier.

"Excuse me? I couldn't hear that!" the voice from the drive-thru box boomed at me.

"I said I would like an iced hazelnut coffee, please."

I am glad I finally mustered the guts to order it because it ROCKS. Just because it doesn't cost $14 doesn't mean it isn't any good.

It's nice to be able to order the biggest size they make (it's called a "large", thank you) and not have to put a second mortgage out on the house.

Will McDonald's be the next cool place to prop up your laptop and look important for hours on end? Probably not.

But the Golden Arches are trying to draw people away from the caffeine competition with the fancy names for SERVERS.

Try one next time you are itching for an iced coffee, even if it is a freezing cold winter.

And yes, I'll take fries with that, thank you.

Only In San Francisco

2008-01-04T06:21:00.000-08:00

Only in San Francisco would people hold a candlelight vigil for a tiger that mauled three people, one of them to death. And only papers like the San Francisco Chronicle would run the story on the FRONT PAGE, even though only FOUR people showed up.

That's right. FOUR.

The excuse is, of course, that more people would have showed up if it hadn't been on New Year's Day. So...Why HOLD it on New Year's Day??

One tiger loving San Franciscan said that her death was wrong in so many ways. Maybe the cops, reacting within life or death split seconds, should have shot at the tiger's knees or used rubber bullets or thrown a net over her. Or maybe once the tiger was loose, the only humane thing would have been to let it run loose until it was finished mauling people and then ship it back to the wild.

Even at the Zoo itself, people left flowers and cards (for an ANIMAL!) at a bronze statue of a tiger.

Sure, it's sad when a majestic beast like this dies. But it's not sad in the same way as when your grandmother dies or when your father gets killed at the ATM pulling out Christmas present money.

It all boils down to this...the animal HAD to die in this incident. There was no time to respond with tranquilizers or animal psychologists. There was not enough time to call Animal Planet and get their guidance.

It's hard enough to be a cop in San Francisco and chase after the two legged bad guys. Imagine facing--in the DARK--a 350 pound tiger.

Maybe people should hold a bonfire for the San Francisco Police officers who ended the chaotic nightmare.

Nah. Not in San Francisco.

An Accidental New Year

2008-01-02T08:48:00.000-08:00

My elderly parents spent New Year's Eve in the emergency room of a city hospital because some moron rear ended them in his delivery truck at 35 miles per hour. With my father's history of spinal injuries and surgeries, it's amazing the impact didn't break him in two. My mother, luckily, was also OK.

But they aren't really OK. Their backs are shaken up and so are their nerves. Their car, which is their main transportation to get around town, is totaled from the rear.

And if this is anything like my own personal experience, they are going to be waiting a very long time for reparations to their vehicle and their insurance. I will tell them not to hold their breath that the idiotic driver will ever be as punished as they have been.

Case in point--a story involving my own car.

I loaned my car last year to a relative. They were subsequently involved in a road rage incident that left them the victims of a ticked off teenage hooligan. Several gun shots to the car later, they miraculously escaped without any physical harm.

But more than half a year later, I still have a bullet hole in my windshield and cracks as long as my arm. And have I been compensated? Nope. Not one dime. I refuse to submit it to my insurance because why should I be punished with higher premiums because some thug willfully shot at my car??

The authorities reassure me that the junior Al Capone will be reimbursing us soon. Then we are told it might not be all at once because the family can't afford it.

Someone call the Whambulance. I can barely afford our mortgage, but I still have to pay it every month or we can loose our home. I don't have the luxury of paying it $25 at at time.

But there appears to be no recourse. The system is not forcing this kid or his family to pay me back the thousands of dollars they OWE me. If you can't pay your way, you have to get a job. If you still can't, you might have to get another job. And another. This kid has enough time to hunt people down and shoot at their heads while they are driving, he has time for a job. His parents should have to sell something of theirs. And if they don't have anything to sell, maybe THEY need to get another job, too.

I am tired of injustice. I am tired of there often being little recourse for the "little guy" in society. My parents are stuck at home with neck braces while the man who did this to them is probably driving the streets once more as if nothing happened.

I am looking at a car that looks like it was in a GODFATHER movie and the punk who did it is probably laughing somewhere.

The system works. Sometimes. And sometimes the bad guys get the upper hand.

Here's to an accidental New Year! Hope the rest of the year makes a little less of an impact, if you get what I mean.

Tragedy At The Zoo

2007-12-28T08:47:00.000-08:00

Some of my fondest childhood memories are of my parents taking me to frequent adventures to the San Francisco Zoo.

A lot has changed since those days of a bright eyed little boy with a Zoo Key in one hand and pink popcorn in the other. Exhibits have come and gone, and so have some of the animals. Elephants are a thing of the past at the San Francisco Zoo, thanks to animal rights fanatics.

And the tigers might be next after the horrifying maulings that took place on Christmas that left a teenager dead and his friends seriously wounded.

As a father who grew up going to the zoo and who now takes his own children several times a year with a yearly pass, the image of a tiger on the loose is as terrifying as they come. It was sad enough when a trainer was mauled in front of patrons (by the same tiger that was shot and killed in this latest incident) at the daily feeding in the Lion House. That kind of a scene could surely result in years of therapy, especially for the youngest of the witnesses. But a tiger on the LOOSE?? It's what horror movies are made of.

But how did this happen? The blame has gone from fingers pointed at the zoo, to the victims, and now back to the zoo again. The tiger was taunted. The fence was too low. The tiger acted in self defense. The zoo was negligent.

Now we are told that the sole fatality was trying to save his friends when he himself was mauled to death. The other two young men took off to a nearby cafe, only to be chased down by the big cat. Thanks to the efforts of the San Francisco Police Department, the two were saved before the tiger had a chance to kill them, too. It was a close call, indeed.

But I have some nagging questions. According to the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, the walls surrounding the tiger exhibit were four feet shorter than what is required.

So how come such a horrible tragedy hadn't struck the zoo in the wall's almost 70 year existence?? Why now would a tiger all of a sudden be able to leap that far and escape? It makes NO logical sense.

And why all of a sudden does it seem that authorities are downplaying reports of a shoe and blood being found IN the base of the moat within the habitat? Alongside pine cones and rocks that COULD NOT have gotten there naturally? Those are indications that the tiger was harassed. But we aren't hearing about that anymore. Maybe because it becomes less of a "sexy" news story if it's less of an "animals gone crazy" and more of "what do you expect when you tick a tiger off" story. Maybe some questions will never be answered.

I will still take my children to the San Francisco Zoo despite this bloody rampage. I will do it in the same way that I drive my children to school despite the fact that countless people die on roadways every single day.

But mark my words...despite their silence so far, PETA and other animal rights groups will use this as an excuse to pressure zoos into closing such exhibits. It would be a shame if this happened because captive animals generally live longer and healthier lives than they would in the wild.

And it's one of the few places a family can go to see some of nature's most awesome creatures.

Here's a conspiracy theory no one has posed yet and another thing to place the blame on--maybe it has never happened before because today's tigers are on steroids like many professional athletes.

Was Tatiana the 350 pound Siberian tiger named in the Mitchell report? Hey, it's not any crazier than all of the other theories and questions.

We've All Gone Fruit Loops!

2007-12-20T08:33:00.000-08:00

I hate the loop. The one at school, I mean. You know? Where kids get dropped off and picked up by caffeine deprived (or poisoned, depending on the day) parents who somehow acquired selective amnesia about driving the moment they pulled into the parking lot?

Whew. It was exhausting just WRITING that last sentence. It's even more mentally fatiguing LIVING it everyday.

What is WRONG with people? Why do they turn into imbeciles like that? Especially since it is a ritual they perform EVERY DAY. It's not like it gets harder with time! It's the SAME THING over and over and over again. Drive up to the FRONT of the line...drop off or pick up your kids as quickly as possible...then drive off again, letting the people behind you (yes, there are OTHER people out there, too) do the same thing. If we were only so lucky to be able to practice something this many times each year, like a sport or a hobby!

But it's not just in the school parking lot or loop that parents have lost their minds and gone completely crazy.

Wait till you see what happens IN the school!

We went to a school Christmas pageant (excuse me...HOLIDAY musical) the other day for our boys. We watched as our 8-year-old sang his heart out on the big stage. And lo and behold, a six foot tall dad walked in front of us as we sat on the gym floor and loomed overhead like the son of Kong. He did everything but rip tiny people out of upper stories and eat them.

What was he THINKING???? Answer: he WASN'T!

Fast forward to this past Tuesday night. The city of High Point, North Carolina hit a LOW point when a verbal argument among parents turned into a physical altercation. You can see the video on the Internet.

It's absolutely SHAMELESS. You can see the look of shock on the faces of the grade school kids who were there just to have a good time.

Instead, their evening was ruined by sophomoric so-called ADULTS losing control. That's a case where the children could have taken the parents outside for a time out. Honestly.

We are losing our civility in this country and it is undeniable. You see it everywhere. Blame whoever or whatever you like for it, but it's happening. And it's so sad to see.

And now if you'll excuse me, there are drivers to be cut off and children to be embarrassed.

Got a PROBLEM with that?!?!

Got Christmas Cards?

2007-12-19T08:49:00.000-08:00

It looks like we finished 99% of our Christmas cards and they are heading to the nearest mailbox sometime today.

I am HORRIBLE at writing Christmas cards. Thank goodness my Better Half is so good about getting them done and mailed every year.

Christmas cards seem destined to be a dying tradition. Does anyone really care about them anymore? It's sad, isn't it?

I remember as a kid how Christmas cards would cover our mantle and then the spill-over were taped alongside the fireplace. So many cards. Did we really know THAT many people?

And they were all different, in a way representing the personalities of the people who sent them. There were the Frosty the Snowman cards, the Christian cards, the Happy Holidays cards. But they were all vibrant and crisp and I loved rushing to the mailbox to see who had sent one that day.

This year we sent off a simple greeting on a glossy picture stock with all the kids smiling to friends and family.

I hope Christmas cards don't go the way of the soda fountain. They symbolize a day before
e-mail and Blackberries, when people used to have to sit down, take out a pen, write down a message, write down an address, lick the envelope AND the stamp, and send it off.

When was the last time you received an actual LETTER from someone? An actual personalized greeting?

In an age of spam and junk mail, it would be nice to open up that mailbox and find something just for you, wouldn't it? But for most of us, if we threw out all the junk mail, the bills, and the sales pitches, there would be literally nothing else for us to bring into the house.

So send those Christmas cards out and keep the tradition alive. And if you never have, what better time than now to start?

Christmas Songs Worthy Of Coal

2007-12-14T09:24:00.000-08:00

Not all Christmas songs are equal. That's very important to remember.

Edison Media Research and Pinnacle Media Worldwide found that people still prefer the classics when it comes to their favorite yuletide tunes.

Each survey found "White Christmas" by Bing Crosby, "The Christmas Song" by Nat King Cole, and "A Holly, Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives at the top of the list of favorites.

There's nothing like a nice Christmas song on a cold night by the fire. Throw in a hot rum and your sweetheart and what could be better?

Nothing to ruin such a magical moment.

Except for one thing...

The AWFUL Christmas songs.

These surveys reassured me that I am not the only Grinch when it comes to some of the overplayed and annoying variations of songs.

People tend to dislike "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" by Elmo & Patsy and "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" by Bruce Springsteen.

The top most hated Christmas song? "Jingle Bells" by those annoying Singing Dogs.

As for MY most hated Christmas song?

"Feliz Navidad" by Jose Feliciano!!

It's endlessly annoying AND bilingual! What a great combination! Let's make Spencer cringe in TWO languages!

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to finish my eggnog before my Sinatra Christmas CD ends.

Is This What Little Girls Are Made Out Of?

2007-12-13T11:44:00.001-08:00

Have you ever tried to buy clothes for a little girl? It’s hard to find anything that is halfway decent. Everything is slinky, frilly, or flirty. Sometimes all of the above.

What on earth is our society thinking? What are WE thinking? After all, WE collectively are to blame because SOMEBODY is buying this stuff. Either parents are buying it or the girls are buying it for themselves. I am not sure sometimes which is more reprehensible.

Wal-Mart stores pulled some pink panties marketed to young girls which read on the front “Who needs credit cards…” and on the backside “When you have Santa”.

In other words, every girl needs a Sugar Daddy…even young girls who may not even have reached puberty yet.

Why did they pull them? Because some parents are finally stepping up to the plate and saying ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

This is just a first step. There are still mountains of thong underwear aimed at young grade school girls. Tight belly shirts still abound the malls.

But it’s only because parents have become too permissive. Your daughter wants to go to school looking like a slimy Bratz doll? SURE! Let me buy you matching outfits!

Kudos to the parent who protested these perverted panties. We need more just like them. Armies more.

STOP SEXUALIZING OUR DAUGHTERS!

Take a stand. Put your money where your mouth is. And maybe, just maybe, parents will once again be able to find decent clothes for their daughters.

Be Somebody!! Even If It's Somebody Else!!

2007-12-10T09:37:00.000-08:00

Wearing costumes was too good to save for just Halloween when I was a kid. It was not out of the ordinary to find a young Spencer Hughes wearing an old Batman Cooper Costume around San Francisco in the middle of July.

I look back and I think: "How embarrassing!"

But I was a kid!! I didn't have inhibitions yet! Watch a child sometime...they do funny and embarrassing things all the time and they don't care!

One of my favorite comedic characters is Tony Clifton, the alter ego of the late great comedian Andy Kaufman. Clifton is worth doing a "You Tube" search if you are not acquainted with him. Although he may not be for the faint of heart or the thin skinned. You see, Tony always said what was on his mind. He didn't care what ANYBODY thought about him. It was always "their loss" if they didn't understand him.

After years of toying with the idea, I recently decided to go for it. My Sweetie spent a bit of time on e-Bay and ended up ordering me all the components of a Tony Clifton outfit.

I have never had more fun in my life playing harmless pranks on unsuspecting people around me!

You see, when I was a kid and wore that Batman costume...I BECAME the Caped Crusader. And now as an alleged adult, I become Tony when I don the wig, mustache, aviator glasses, and bad, smelly smoking jackets!

This weekend I tricked my own MOTHER! It took her ten minutes to figure out it was her one and only son under the disguise and the attitude.

I find that doing this is very therapeutic to play "Uncle Tony" once in awhile. Even the kids love it. They go from being not too sure to wanting to come up and give him (me) a hug. And sometimes the wig and mustache go missing. Hmmmmmm.

Everybody needs a crazy Uncle Tony. And sometimes...everybody needs to BE a crazy Uncle Tony.

So whip out that spirit gum and fake mustache and go to town.

My in-laws want to treat Uncle Tony to a night on the town. Even if it means being possibly thrown out of the restaurant.

But I will hold back and get as close to the edge without falling off of it.

And I thought hosting a radio show was good therapy!!

So BE somebody! Even if it's somebody else! Even if it's just at a family get together to fool your own parents!

It's more liberating that you can possibly imagine!

Gas Is Good

2007-12-06T08:12:00.000-08:00

Gas is good.

No, not that kind of gas. The kind that goes into you car. The kind that keeps the world spinning around.

It makes so many things work. And it is so expensive with no relief in sight.

So why not ask Santa for a fill-up at the tank this Christmas? Heck, it beats another dozen socks or a ceramic frog you have no clue what to do with.

WCVB-TV in Boston reports that more and more people are giving the gift of gas. Wouldn't YOU welcome a gas card as a gift? Heck a few years ago it might have made a nice stocking stuffer. Now with prices seemingly climbing all the time, it makes a nice UNDER THE TREE gift.

I don't think most of us stop and consider what it costs to fill up our cars. That is, if we still FILL UP our cars. It is very rare that we fill the tank completely. Usually we'll put in $40 and cross our fingers that it gets us half a tank.

A boston gas station owner is expecting this year a 30% increase in gas card sales.

So if you're debating one of those 9 million gift cards at the checkout stand...give the gift of gas.

They'll love you for it.

Putting Your Best Foot Forward

2007-12-05T08:58:00.000-08:00

The expression "put your best foot forward" always seemed a little odd to me, considering we don't have more than two feet. But I think we all understand the meaning: to jump into any endeavor with enthusiasm and positive mental attitude.

And a person in the news who is doing exactly that is not only someone you have never heard of, it's someone who doesn't really have a best foot to give.

You see, Wang Fang is a waitress in China who was born with her feet facing the wrong way. Imagine looking down at your toes and not seeing them because they were BEHIND you!

Since birth, doctors worried that she would not be able to walk.

Now she is 27 and not willing to do what so many of us would have done long ago in her situation--feel sorry for herself.

Not only does she not fret about her physical disability, she is not even willing to label herself as disabled.

Good for her. She can actually walk as well as others. And according to her family, she can outrun most of them!

So let's get this straight...a woman is born with a physical deformity, learns to deal with this adversity, and ends up turning it into something positive and inspiring!

How many of US would turn away a disability check when the state says we are entitled to one? How many of us don't wake up EVERY DAY feeling down and out about the silliest of things.

"Oh, no! My lipstick broke!"

"Oh, no! My car broke down!"

"Oh, no! I'm not rich enough, good looking enough, smart enough, or special enough to get what I want in life!"

Call the Whambulance, please.

Next time you stub your toe or flunk a test or think there are so many things keeping you from what you want, remember the story of Wang Fang.

And remember that your feet can physically get you places, but it's your heart and soul that do the steering.

More Elusive Than Bigfoot!

2007-12-04T09:15:00.000-08:00

Skeptics of Bigfoot, UFOs, and other paranormal phenomenon always like to use the argument: "Where's the photographic proof??"

It's true. Out of the zillions of such eye-witness sightings, few solid and compelling photographs have materialized.

But let me make a point with my own anecdotal example. Sometimes even if you have a camera always handy, you can miss the money shot quite easily.

My Better Half insisted that our baby girl starting smiling several weeks back...when she was barely TWO WEEKS OLD.

Of course, I was skeptical. It just wasn't possible! Babies aren't "supposed" to start smiling till around six weeks, on average.

"It must be gas!" I insisted. Even when some of the kids saw the supposed smile, I couldn't get myself to believe it. I started sounding like Men In Black: "That was a weather balloon you saw, not a UFO."

Well, I have now seen it with my own eyes! And even her doctor was amazed. It is very rare for babies to start smiling THAT young.

Even though between us this is our sixth child, we still run around with a camera around our necks acting like the stereotypical first time parents. We can't take enough pictures of God's little masterpiece.

HUNDREDS of attempts later, STILL no photographic evidence of a smile! She would get stubborn. The camera would get stubborn and freeze up or take forever to snap, always at the worst possible times!

But this morning...it finally happened...something more elusive than Bigfoot!

A picture of our smiling baby girl! I made an idiot out of myself and, as usual, it worked!

And this time, Mom was around to snap the picture. I have included it in this blog. Hope it makes YOU smile, too.

And now if you'll excuse me, there is a gigantic serpent like creature in our swimming pool and the camera just finished charging.

Who's Your Daddy?

2007-12-03T08:49:00.000-08:00

A British study finds that one in four children do not consider their own fathers to be "close" family.

More boys surveyed chose a soccer star as their role model over their own fathers.

This is a sad reflection on the culture of fatherhood, British or American.

It has been assumed for a long time that fathers aren't as important to their children and their developments as mothers are. And look at the results. We reap what we sow.

Fathers are often too busy...at work, at play, at SOMETHING. But you are never too busy to be their for your children.

When I first got divorced, my children's peers asked them when they would ever see me. The biggest fear a child can have after a marital split is that they are not going to ever be with one of their parents. Or that the back and forth will diminish time spent with their parents.

It's true ONLY if you make it so. I spend more quality time with my children now than I ever did when I shared the same address with them full time.

Time is what you make of it. I still know some fathers who are NEVER at school plays, sports, or birthday parties. I used to drive 240 miles roundtrip just to spend 2-3 hours with my kids.

Meanwhile, I knew plenty of fathers who LIVED with their kids and didn't ever spend that long of a stretch with their own children. Even in a WHOLE WEEK!

This study is distressing. But it is not shocking. Dads need to stand up and be fathers to their children. And the system needs to be changed so that able and loving fathers ARE allowed to spend more time with their children, even after a divorce.

So work hard and bring home the bacon. But never, ever miss your child's birthday, graduation, or other milestones of life. You may not remember someday that you did.

But your children will never forget.

And they need to consider you close family...because you ARE.

Luckily more and more fathers are making the choice to stay at home as much as they can. It's a great thing to see, and a societal reminder that fathers are just as important as mothers in the emotional, physical, and spiritual well being and upbringing of children.

Please Don't Shoot The Piano Man

2007-11-30T08:56:00.000-08:00

Remember the days when restaurants had pianists in tuxedos playing the songs of the ages? I do, and I am a Generation X-er. One of my favorite such places when I was a kid has long since been bulldozed and replaced with a cookie-cutter strip mall.

And now some Nordstrom stores are doing the same. More and more stores are...gasp...replacing their decked out pianists for piped in popular music. What a shame. It reminds me of the days when musicians actually played instruments.

Although it is not a corporate directive, the belief is that many customers think the piano is outdated.

WHAT NONSENSE. Is that why the music of Beethoven has lived on for hundreds of years?

And you know what? I wouldn't cater to any customer that believed that. Maybe store clerks should be rude and obnoxious since many Americans obviously think manners are outdated, too.

American culture has lost its sense of elegance and class. Would your grandfather have been caught DEAD eating at a restaurant with his mouth open, baseball hat on backwards, and his elbows on the table?

I know I sound much older than I am as I lament the demise of pianists at Nordstrom. But something is lost here. And I don't think anything has been gained.

If I wanted to listen to top 40 tunes I would turn on a 10 watt radio station. They are a dime a dozen.

I want to dedicate this blog entry to the memory of Mario Ferrari. He played the piano in classy Sacramento restaurants for several decades. I remember endorsing a restaurant where he used to play, tuxedo and all. He always wanted to please the customers. I fondly recall how he would follow each request with "Oh, yes, that's a nice one!" There was never a tune he didn't know how to play.

Except for maybe something by the Spice Girls or Justin Timberlake.

At least we have the mall stores for that tripe.

Stand Up & Slim Down?

2007-11-29T06:41:00.000-08:00

Don't just sit there, do something!

It might not even be necessary to do ANYTHING. Just STANDING there and looking pretty may be enough when it comes to losing weight.

HUH??

Researchers are finding that a huge problem in America today is that too many people...gasp...sit down too much. What a shock!! A nation of drive-thru EVERYTHINGS is a sedentary nation?

But the research isn't just pointing out the fact that sitting around means we aren't doing more physical activities.

The enzymes in our bodies that help us burn fat can actually go dormant when we sit down for prolonged periods of time.

That might explain why I feel fatter when I do the show sitting down! Lately I have been forgoing the stool and pontificating while standing up. No chair. No net. Nothing.

Maybe the pounds will start melting off of me!

Don't get too excited. Standing around doing nothing isn't going to give you the body you necessarily want. But one thing is for sure, it doesn't help your weight loss plans to sit around too much. The researchers recommend "puttering" more. It'll probably drive everyone around you crazy, but what the heck.

So stand up, go get yourself a piece of pie, and quit sitting around so much!

Snooze Or You'll Lose

2007-11-27T09:10:00.000-08:00

One of the most maddening facts of life is that we rarely take advantage of opportunities even when they are shoved right into our face.

It's kind of like the movie cliche of the guy who has his sights on the bad (or good) guy and doesn't pull the trigger when they have the chance. It's one of the most cliched scenes in cinema. That's the best way for the serial killer in the woods to keep coming back for more sequels. You don't nail him in the head with a shovel when you have the chance. Oh well.

How about rarely sleeping in when you have the golden opportunity to rest? Anyone with kids knows that it's easier to wake the dead than to get a child up for school on most days. And yet they always seem to be up at the crack of dawn on weekends and vacations when they COULD be sleeping.

I think we are all guilty of this. Most of us shrug it off and figure we will just "catch up" on sleep at some "later" point, like the weekend.

But new research is finding that for some people, it may be too late to catch up on precious sleep.

Those with chronic sleep deprivation may, in fact, damage their ability to do this. Research out of Northwestern University looked at rats and found that those that were chronically sleep deprived didn't catch up on sleep even when given the chance to sleep more hours.

So whether it's the baby keeping you awake or the workload you keep bringing home night after night, try to get as much sleep as possible.

I need to do the same. But...yawn...it's just so hard.

I am just fine with 5 hours a night tops. Really. Do I look like I'm not OK?

Don't answer that.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

One Stop Shopping For The Soul

2007-11-26T08:38:00.000-08:00

It's sad to me that "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium" didn't make the top 10 at the box office this holiday weekend.

What a shame because it's the sweetest and most special movie of the season...maybe even of the year. Maybe of the last few years.

It really is that good. It opened on the 16th of November and I have already seen it twice. And I plan on seeing it again before it leaves theaters. This is the movie I will insist getting in the most deluxe version I can when it finally hits DVD.

Dustin Hoffman gives us his most heartfelt performance since "Rain Man" as Mr. Magorium, the eccentric but lovable 243-year-old owner of the Wonder Emporium. This is the most unique toy store in the world because it runs on the magic of optimism, imagination, and faith.

Natalie Portman plays Molly, the insecure manager of the store who finds out that she is set to inherit the store from Magorium who is convinced it is his time to "leave" this world. But she second guesses herself and wonders if she has the magical touch needed to keep the tradition alive.

Zach Mills steals our hearts as the 9-year-old who just can't spend enough time down at the store. He is the kid who is a little different than the other kids because he has an unyielding hope for the world and humanity despite all the odds that the real world promptly delivers us. When told that it's impossible to jump up and get his cowboy hat that has blown up and gotten hooked about 7 feet off the ground, he promptly says "maybe I just need a running start"!

Think of how much we could all accomplish if we had the optimism of a child! Kids feel they can do these things because no one in the adult world had "gotten to them" and told them that something is impossible to do!

Even though I have never really been a fan of Jason Bateman, he does a nice job as the account--or "mutant" as everyone quickly calls him--who Magorium hires to get his paperwork in order before his departure. Unfortunately, the task is daunting because the store owner hasn't kept a close watch on his profits and losses over the last several centuries. It's fun to watch Bateman's character progression through the course of the movie.

This movie will pump a lump in your throat and make your soul sing all at the same time. It's the best movie on carpe diem (remember "seize the day" from "Dead Poet's Society") that I have seen in a long time.

There are so many sweet and poignant moments, including the one where Magorium tells Molly that her life is an occasion and that she should rise to it. Simple words that pack a big punch. How many of us make our life an occasion? Let alone RISE to it? Most of us sadly chose to merely exist instead of to LIVE.

I don't think any other actor working today could have pulled off the role of Magorium the way Dustin Hoffman does. There is a wonderful scene in which Molly lays out some bubble wrap at a local park to have Magorium do a little dance to celebrate his long and happy life. I saw that scene through the eyes of a child. What innocence! Remember when all we needed to be happy was a pile of discarded boxes and wrapping paper? Megorium dances to the song of his soul and it makes us all want to dance with him.

But unfortunately, most of us are as tightly wound as Bateman's straight faced accountant. Most of us are too self conscious to dance on a floor of bubble wrap in our own living rooms let alone in a crowded park. But wouldn't it be nice?

I think a lot of people are shying away from this movie because the previews might portray it as a just another "Charlie & The Chocolate Factory" knock off. But it isn't. Far from it.

Willy Wonka was a narcissistic nutjob who loathed the children who made his candied treats a success.

Mr. Magorium is the man whose very existence was predicated on making other people happy. We should all be so lucky to know a person like that in real life.

The movie's tagline is "You will see it when you believe it"--so true. And perhaps one of the reasons why many critics have been lukewarm at best about it. You have to have imagination and hope for this movie to make its biggest impact on you. It doesn't have car chases or explosions or murder, mayhem, and naked people frolicking around.

I'm not expecting you to resist the sex appeal of Patrick Dempsey or the bloodshed of "Beowulf" at the movies.

Having said that, I am daring you to take a chance on a movie that will most certainly put a little extra bounce in your step and song in your spirit. "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium" isn't so much a movie for kids as it is a movie for the kid in all of us.

The kid who is dying to burst out and dance on a pad of bubble wrap.

The Turkey Doesn't Care When You Eat It

2007-11-21T08:36:00.000-08:00

I can't believe the level of anxiety surrounding the next several days. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which has sadly become a day filled with stress, congested freeways, delayed flights, and sold-out cranberries and stuffing.

If only everyone didn't celebrate it on the same day!

HEY!! What a GREAT idea!

My family actually celebrated Thanksgiving this past Saturday. We had all the kids together. My parents were able to attend. It was very nice.

And relatively stress free.

After all, I wasn't competing with a zillion people for our 22 pound bird. The aisles were overflowing with cans of pumpkin and evaporated milk. For the first time in a long time--maybe EVER--I did not have to go to backup stores for sold out menu ingredients.

The parking lot was empty. The streets and highways were empty as well.

We celebrated early because we had all the family together on Saturday and we knew we wouldn't on Thanksgiving itself.

But why don't families do this ANYWAY?? Does Thanksgiving really HAVE to be on fourth Thursday of November?

Imagine if all those people at the airport spread their flights out over a week or so!

It's probably too late for you this year, but it's something to consider for 2008. Having your feast and giving your thanks within a week of the "official" Thanksgiving isn't going to kill anyone.

I am sure the relatives will swoon over your grandmother's dressing no matter when they enjoy it.

And remember this--the turkey doesn't care when you eat it.

So I will think of all of you tomorrow and how most of you will be stressing to get to the in-laws on time or whether or not the store has another bag of potatoes or how anyone will make it when a tanker truck overturned on the highway.

Have a wonderful and happy Thanksgiving this year, whenever you have it. And don't forget to remember and be thankful for all those things we all tend to take for granted. God, family, friends, country, health, and World of Warcraft.

And now if you'll excuse me, I have some left over dressing that has my name on it.

A Turkey of a Pardon

2007-11-20T09:07:00.000-08:00

I was really upset with President Bush when he was so forgiving of Scooter Libby. I thought that was a big mistake.

But there is some other coddling going on that I disapprove of as well--the Presidential pardon for the National Thanksgiving turkey!

Why did President Bush pardon the turkey today? Because he always has. And so have all the other presidents dating back to the tradition's origins during the Truman administration. He actually saved the necks of TWO turkeys.

Sure, it's sweet and syrupy and exactly why I DON'T LIKE IT!

These are tough times! We are fighting a diabolical enemy for Pete's sake! Our kids are too thin skinned! We need to toughen up as a nation!

So the turkey HAS to go. Sorry. It's Thanksgiving. That's what we do. We EAT turkeys. We don't forgive them!

We celebrated our Thanksgiving this past weekend and I thank God that no one pardoned our succulent 22 pound bird.

Admit it. You want a President who will buck tradition, get up there and tell the turkey it has seen its last days.

Ok, ok, so maybe a few children will cry and vegetarians will be outraged. But still. It's an idea that really should be gobbled up by our future presidents.

The turkeys names, if you care about things like that, are May and Flower. Get it?? MAYFLOWER??

I liked the Vice President's names better--lunch and dinner.

And now if you'll excuse me, I have a leftover turkey leg just screaming to be put between a couple of slices of bread.

Gobble, gobble!

Boiled Alive

2007-11-16T08:45:00.000-08:00

Prawns feel pain. Lobster feel pain.

That's what a new study concludes.

So now you are once again supposed to feel guilt for enjoying that boiled Maine lobster. Guess we are supposed to feel their pain, maybe?

Sorry, but I am not going to stop eating crustaceans because some professor found that prawns that had acetic acid daubed on their antenna tried to wipe it off.

Wouldn't YOU wipe something off that spilled on you? Why does this have to mean they felt PAIN?

And what if they DID?

Life is full of pain. For all of us. Just to varying degrees.

The animal rights nuts are trying to convince us that the pain you would feel severing your limbs is somehow the same pain that a lobster feels when boiled alive. Or that hooking a fish is the same as hooking your grandfather.

There's a big difference that they fail to see--YOU are a HUMAN BEING. The LOBSTER is SEAFOOD.

Until lobsters evolve to the point where they can toss US into a pot of boiling water, life is what it is.

Red Lobster tonight, anyone? Give me the biggest one in the tank, thank you.

"Ho, Ho, Ho" No Mo?

2007-11-15T09:01:00.000-08:00

Every year there comes a new salvo in the war on Christmas. At least this one is in another country. Well, it DOES have ties with America since the company in question has offices here.

Talk about politically correct nonsense. Austalian Santas are being told by recruitment firm Westaff to change their "Ho, ho, ho" to "Ha, ha, ha".

HUH??

Why on earth would they do this? What is so offensive about the classic Santa greeting?

It could scare children. And it might be offensive to women.

Scare children? Since when does "Ho, ho, ho" scare children? Clowns used to scare me as child. And maybe Santa's beard when I was really young. But never his cute little sayings.

Offensive to women? You see...you can't say "Ho, ho, ho" and not expect women's organizations to get cross with you.

This is, of course, utter rubish. Another excuse to attack Christmas.

The Santas are being told to say "Ha, ha, ha" instead.

But won't that make kids think Santa is laughing at them? Ridiculing the toys on their lists?

See? There's always a Bogeyman if you look hard enough.

Has Marriage Gone To The Dogs?

2007-11-13T08:39:00.001-08:00

Just when you thought marriage was really in trouble in America, in some parts of the world it has literally gone to the dogs.

Call it karma if you like. But Selva Kumar's past had haunted him long enough. He committed unspeakable acts against two innocent mating dogs. So to atone for his sins, he decided there was really only one thing to do.

Marry a dog.

No. It's not a joke. Cut the laugh tracks. He really married a dog.

And in India, it's perfectly OK I guess.

So Kumar married a 10-year-old pooch named Selvi.

Maybe I am not the most culturally tolerant person around, but this story has my name written all over it.

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I Scooby Doooooooooooooooooo!"

Imagine if this family had a Thanksgiving dinner next week. Wouldn't you love to be a fly on the wall at THAT party?

"Could you pass the Snausages, please?"

"Please don't scratch at the table."

"I hear your family has fleas."

"Are you spayed? You can always adopt at the shelter! How many litters do you plan to have? It's never too early to save for college! "

"Selvi, you are roughly 53-years-old in human years and Kumar, you are roughly a year old in dog years. How do you possibly think this can work?"

"Please don't sniff the guests, it isn't polite."

"Woof! Woof!"

"Will you be registering at Pet Smart?"

"HONEYMOON?? You're barking up the wrong tree!"

Hey, I wish them the best. A recent study claims we will be marrying robots in the not too distant future. So why not a dog?

After all, you're supposed to marry your best friend, right?